Dating/relationship general advice thread - volume 2

[Taylor Caby]

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Hey guys,

Have any of you dated or married or whatever with a girl who is significantly less intelligent than you?

How important is having comparable intelligence levels in a long term relationship?

For example, if your girlfriend was really nice to you, had a great personality, and was physically attractive, but she is not as smart as you, how would that impact things? Where does intelligence rank on the totem pole?

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i never have and i doubt i ever could. for casual dating it would be completely fine, but for a long ter relationship i think it works best to have two people with reasonably similar levels of intelligence.

for me personally, i'd rather have the girl be smarter than me than the other way around. i think this all fits in somewhere near the top of the list of what i would look for in a girl.

tc

[traz]

I think I'm one of the guys who would hate having a girl who was smarter than me

[SlowHabit]

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I think I'm one of the guys who would hate having a girl who was smarter than me

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I think dating a girl that is smarter than me is so hot.

[garcia1000]

I would love to date a girl who is smarter than me. But it would be very difficult to find [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Anyway, with regards to my own situation, I totally love her now and everything is great. But I have learned that in life, planning and looking ahead is important. What will it be like if I marry her and it's two decades later?

I think the response is sort of mixed on this issue... how should I go about thinking about this intelligence thing?

[Josem]

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I think the response is sort of mixed on this issue... how should I go about thinking about this intelligence thing?

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You could offer an intelligence test - offer her a free $2,000 and see if she takes it.



Or, more seriously, realise that there are no hard and fast rules in this area. If it works for you, it works for you. If you like her, great; if you don't, move on.

What other people makes them happy won't necessarily make you happy.

[Sciolist]

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But I have learned that in life, planning and looking ahead is important. What will it be like if I marry her and it's two decades later?

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How did you learn that it's important to take the next 20 years into consideration when you make a decision? I have learnt the complete opposite: [censored] the future, it's unpredictable, just worry about what happens in the next year or so.

[CrayZee]

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for me personally, i'd rather have the girl be smarter than me than the other way around.

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Too bad girls naturally look for guys smarter than they are. I'd rather have it the other way around as well.

[JaBlue]

my situation:

Had girlfriend for 11 months. Amazing at the start, lots of fun. Last two months filled with petty arguments and some deep-seeded communication issues, mostly stemming from girlfriend's selfishness. Finally broke it off three weeks ago, told her I couldn't be friends with her or talk to her.

Go on weekend camping trip with a guy friend and a girlfriend of the ex's. Asked nicely specifically by the ex to not get with her friend. Hook up with the friend who would be a nice friend/fuckbuddy but not interested in a relationship.

The ex pops by today with the intention to give me a letter she wrote, but doesn't have it. Then asks me to let her take me out to dinner for my birthday, says that she's sorry for the way things ended, how she handled things, etc. and that she now realizes that I'm more important to her than she thought I was.

I'm pretty much over the whole situation, feeling like I put in way more than she did towards the end and being turned off to being so committed for a while in general. Pretty sure I don't want a relationship, but then again things were amazing when they were good.

Does it ever work out when I let her take me to dinner? Is it worth it? Keep in mind I cut off communication for the sole purpose of clearing my head.

If I do get involved again, how [censored] will it be to tell her I got with (but did not have sex with yet) her friend? I feel like it'll be on my mind but I'll feel like I can't say it.

Anyway, I'm thinking I'll just say no and truly cut off communication forever, but wanted to hear if anyone had a good experience with a salvaged relationship. It is also an option to start dating the ex again but not get too serious but I doubt this could work because of our history together; I wouldn't want her to date other people and vice versa. But I don't want to be in a relationship, or so I think.

Just confused about this whole mess and can't clearly answer the question of whether or not I should give it a chance. I feel like there is not much harm in being taken out to dinner but that may just be the top of a slippery slope.

[Lethe]

JaBlue: IMO you shouldn't take your ex up on her offer unless it is specifically because you want to sex her and nothing more.

If you do decide to get back together with her, just know that at first things may be absolutely fantastic but you can pretty much bet with 100% certainty that things will eventually go back to the way they were when you originally broke up. There are lots of girls out there - why not take some time to enjoy living the single life instead?

[ikestoys]

I've been dating the same girl since my junior year of high school. We started out like a lot of people did back then, we were together to [censored] like rabbits. As we got older, our relationship grew to the point where we loved each other and began forming a real relationship. We've gone to different colleges for the last 3.5 years (Princeton and UMich) and we're planning on living with each other after we graduate. She is going to do grad school and I'm going to play poker (which she is cool with) and volunteer/do research for a year , then I'm going to decide if I really want to go to med school like I had originally planned.

I love her more than anything, and I honestly feel like she's my best friend. We're going on a trip to Maui over Christmas (ty poker) and I'm thinking about asking her to marry me by a waterfall in Hana. The only reason why I'm hesitant to ask is our age. None of my friends really can talk about what I should think about or expect and my parents had nothing to say but that expected it and supported it when I told them I was thinking about proposing. Basically I'm asking if I'm crazy to do this, and what some of the older guys think about a young engagement/marriage.