Pregnant GF

[gobbomom]

no words of wisdom coming from me, just the hope that this thread helped you sort out your thoughts OP. FWIW, it's healthy and normal to be scared shitless. Good luck to you and your girlfriend.

[Yo Adrians!]

I'll keep this brief, as this thread isn't about me, and I don't want to hijack.

When I was 18, going into my senior year of high school, my 17-year-old girlfriend got pregnant and decided, after much thought, to have an abortion. I'm certain we made the right decision at the time, as neither of us were ready to have the child and, I'll own it, the stigma and ridicule that would've went along with her carrying the child in high school and giving it up for adoption.

I'll just say that the decision - even if it was in our best interests - haunted me for 10 years until the birth of my first son with my wife (obv. not the same girl). Bad dreams, bad decisions, emotional trauma. And she's never recovered from it, either.

Abortion might sound like the right thing to do, and maybe it is for some people. But just know that even if you do ultimately convince her to go that way, you will have some issues afterward.

God bless whatever you decide here, and please remember that there are two of you, and the baby isn't growing inside your tummy.

[StevieG]

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I don't see her original response as unsympathetic, just realistic and to the point. Regardless, I'm not sure that receiving sympathy right now is what OP needs. He needs to stop bemoaning the situation, realize there is a kid coming regardless of what he wants, and decide what he is going to do about it.

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It certainly was unsympathetic, but in any case I decry the lack of empathy not sympathy.

HolyFimFed is looking for advice and counseling, not sympathy.

A reply that literally says "that's life" is not realistic and to the point, it is banal and defeatist. And it is not what I would expect from a good parent.

[QuickLearner]

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[HolyFimFed is looking for advice and counseling, not sympathy.

A reply that literally says "that's life" is not realistic and to the point, it is banal and defeatist. And it is not what I would expect from a good parent.

[/ QUOTE ]I'm intriuged by your perspective here. I don't see anything banal about the post you're discussing. I read it as a call to accept responsibility and learn a little about the effects of a decision to abort. You may think that's trite, but I don't see it. It's anything but unrealistic, and very much what a good parent might say.

Add to that the "defeatist" description you spin in and I'm forced to conclude that you feel that the OP is somehow "defeated" if he accepts his responsibility. I find that intriguing when it comes from a new dad like you (which I get from your blog). Don't you like parenthood?

[ElDuque]

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I AM immature - one of the many reasons I should NOT be raising a kid.


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I'm not even trying to be a jerk here, but I seriously cannot comprehend this logic. My brain is just outputting giberish.

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The situation really isnt as clear cut as "stay or run" is it?

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Actually, it is more clear cut than this. You have one option: ADOPTION.

[tboss888]

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Post deleted by nation

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Your post was that important to break your banning? Shouldn't you be IP banned from 2+2 now?

[ed8383]

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this thread is the reason vasectomys should be required.

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I think you should be prohibited from posting in chick-related threads until you update us on your situation. Don't make me post a link.

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you caught me! but then again why can't i say the obvious? getting a girl pregnant that isn't your wife is like a marine having an insurgent on his sights with his rifle. Your future is pretty much gone unless you get lucky.

[Blarg]

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Congratulations Daddy!

Seriously, you played but thought there's never a chance you're gonna pay?

Stop thinking in any way she's betrayed you by following her natural instincts and the foundation she's grown up with, or wishing the kid somehow won't make it. Grow up.

Go read some sites about the emotional aftermath of abortion even when women were 100% that it's what they wanted. It's brutal.

While I understand this isn't the map you've laid out for yourself, these are the cards you've been dealt. That's life.

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I'm glad you're not my mother.

Edit

OK, so I just found the later post where you show some empathy and make an effort at support.

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P.S. It might also help to think in these terms. This is the future that you were looking forward to a month ago. You were thinking engagement followed by marriage and kids. It's just happened sooner than you planned. Don't panic. You can handle this. At least you're not 18 and a senior in high school.

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But I still think the original remarks showed a surprising harshness and lack of any ability to look at it from the OP's perspective.

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Also disagree with entertainme here and think this is veering way too much toward the political. People often feel as terrible about things as there is an entire culture and religious industry doing everything in its power to make them feel that way -- and then standing back as if they actually have moral superiority. If enough people tell you something is horrible and you're probably a shallow, cruel monster for doing it, and conversely one heck of a great person for not doing it, you're probably going to be rocked by that extremely hard. Will you feel "devastated" if enough people do their best to make you feel that way? Hell yeah.

People have been having abortions as a matter of course probably for thousands of years. And felt relieved or indifferent about it sometimes too. It's a huge mistake to think that our own take on things, stuck in time and not necessarily universally shared, is necessarily something that goes right back to our genes and is inescapable.

This is essentially substituting a political argument for a universal truth. It doesn't work at all.

I imagine it's quite possible to have an abortion and wind up thinking it's a damn good thing you did. And also to not think that a 9 week old blob of cells is something worth turning your life permanently upside down for. Or even for a little while.

These things are really personal. A woman has no more right to describe how something like that will necessarily feel to another woman than a man does. This is essentially a political or religious argument, and faulting someone for their differing beliefs in that regard is the telling of no truth. It's just making a naive assumption or politicking.

[Blarg]

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I AM immature - one of the many reasons I should NOT be raising a kid.


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I'm not even trying to be a jerk here, but I seriously cannot comprehend this logic. My brain is just outputting giberish.

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The situation really isnt as clear cut as "stay or run" is it?

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Actually, it is more clear cut than this. You have one option: ADOPTION.

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Obviously not.

[Blarg]

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[HolyFimFed is looking for advice and counseling, not sympathy.

A reply that literally says "that's life" is not realistic and to the point, it is banal and defeatist. And it is not what I would expect from a good parent.

[/ QUOTE ]I'm intriuged by your perspective here. I don't see anything banal about the post you're discussing. I read it as a call to accept responsibility and learn a little about the effects of a decision to abort. You may think that's trite, but I don't see it. It's anything but unrealistic, and very much what a good parent might say.

Add to that the "defeatist" description you spin in and I'm forced to conclude that you feel that the OP is somehow "defeated" if he accepts his responsibility. I find that intriguing when it comes from a new dad like you (which I get from your blog). Don't you like parenthood?

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You are begging the question. It is not true that there is only one way out, for either party.