dating girl w/ kid issues

[nolanfan34]

Wow, I feel very qualified to give you some thoughts here. My wife's sister and her 3 year old son lived with us for the last 3 months. So I have been immersed in a very similar situation.

At first I had the exact same thoughts as you have right now. Thought the way he acted was a direct reflection of the parenting. It is to a certain extent.

But - I now realize that it's more the fact that he's 3. That's just what a 3 year old does - constantly pushes boundaries to figure out what they can get away with. And when you're a single mom, it becomes easy to tune it out and ignore it. And even with 3 "parents" in the house, we had plenty of tantrums and discipline issues, just because a 3 year old will do that kind of stuff.

There are plenty of good times as well, and they can be a ton of fun.

So don't give up on the girl just because of this. It's not all parenting, although certainly some of it might be. The Super Nanny recommendation is good as well. We used some of those techniques and they were effective I think.

[Sigurd]

Please consider if this is a general issue, or if it only occours when you are around. It could be that she just don't want to do a whole lot about it when you are around because she fears that if will destroy the atmosphere, or something like that.

[KSPD]

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You're better off TELLING her your views on the parenting thing now.

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Absofuckinglutely wrong.

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No. If he, as he said, is gonna pick up her slack when/if they get more serious... she'll have the same reactions then as to him telling her his views now.

Might as well get that out of the way before the kid gets more attached.

[IQ89]

Dump her quick! Unless she looks something like this:

[inside??]

Back hand him and if she objects back hand her.

[prohornblower]

Run away now. Seriously, good with kids or not, it will always be difficult, ie: "not worth it".

My brother married a woman with a kid and he has had serious issues. His wife is 33, her kid is 16...you do the math. His dad is a dead-beat who never shows his face, never pays support, etc. My brother is awesome with kids as well, but this kid hates my dad. One reason is b/c he's white and they are Hispanic. I don't think he likes the fact that his mom married a Gringo. Another is because he's an idiot who does coke/crack, steals stuff, and has been in and out of juvy. My bro. booted him from the house b/c they have two young kids of their own now (each under 4 yo), and my brother fears for their safety. The kid has gotten drunk twice and come by the house yelling to his mom that he's going to kill my brother. He's also threatened their son/daughter (his half-siblings). It's a pretty f***ed up situation. I seriously don't like knowing that this kid hates my bro. so much. He stole my brothers lawn mower and video camera to pawn for crack, and HE"S mad that he kicked him out of the house...

I'm sure your situation isn't anything like this, but 9 years ago, when this guy was 8 years old, he was a nice, sweet kid who showed no signs of any of this behavior.

Just saying, be careful. It is probably not worth it in the long run. Good luck.

[Quadstriker]

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Run away now.

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And do not look back.

[SackUp]

Spank the mom in bed and ask her if she has ever considered doing the same to her kid.

[captZEEbo]

women don't like to get advice on how they are doing things wrong. If you tell her this now, you will have no chance. I'd wait quite awhile

[TIEdup14]

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Whatever happened to beating a kid's ass with a belt?

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