Ask the Lounge About Men

[Blarg]

That shows that she is what I thought she is -- a classic narcissist.

[katyseagull]

I wanted to ask the lounge something about men but I was afraid that I'd already asked my question so yesterday I sat and read through this entire thread and it took forever and then I didn't feel like posting [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]. I had sort of forgotten about the posts I made in this thread. Very weird. I also forgot about Stuey's purses. Doubly weird. I really think I'm losing my mind. If I repeat myself will you guys just be nice about it and jog my memory? thanks.


[ QUOTE ]
That shows that she is what I thought she is -- a classic narcissist.

[/ QUOTE ]

Angelina Jolie is a classic narcissist? Would you say that Brad Pitt is too?

[Mrs. Utah]

[ QUOTE ]
I wanted to ask the lounge something about men but I was afraid that I'd already asked my question so yesterday I sat and read through this entire thread and it took forever and then I didn't feel like posting [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]. I had sort of forgotten about the posts I made in this thread. Very weird. I also forgot about Stuey's purses. Doubly weird. I really think I'm losing my mind. If I repeat myself will you guys just be nice about it and jog my memory? thanks.


[ QUOTE ]
That shows that she is what I thought she is -- a classic narcissist.

[/ QUOTE ]

Angelina Jolie is a classic narcissist? Would you say that Brad Pitt is too?

[/ QUOTE ]


Katy,
Why are you not asking your question? I do not think it has been asked....

[katyseagull]

Hi lounge,

I was talking to a friend of mine at work about her sister. We have a question about men. (Just holler at me if I’ve already asked you guys this before [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img].)

My coworker has a 32 yr old sister (nurse) who’s been living with her boyfriend (late 20s – professional guy) for about 3 years now. In that time they have traveled around the world and spent quality time with both their families. They are financially well off. She’s very eager to get married and have babies now. However her boyfriend is really quite ambivalent about the whole thing. He’s not sure he wants to. She’s starting to feel her clock ticking. To make matters worse, her little sister got married last year and is expecting a baby right now. She’s getting pretty depressed.

Any chance a guy who’s living with his girl for 3 years will suddenly agree to marriage after he’s expressed a lot of hesitancy in the past? Is it unlikely? We all would like to know exactly what is going on in that head of his. He knows how badly his girlfriend wants a family because she’s never kept it a secret. Shouldn’t he break it off if he doesn’t want to marry her?

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
I wanted to ask the lounge something about men but I was afraid that I'd already asked my question so yesterday I sat and read through this entire thread and it took forever and then I didn't feel like posting [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]. I had sort of forgotten about the posts I made in this thread. Very weird. I also forgot about Stuey's purses. Doubly weird. I really think I'm losing my mind. If I repeat myself will you guys just be nice about it and jog my memory? thanks.


[ QUOTE ]
That shows that she is what I thought she is -- a classic narcissist.

[/ QUOTE ]

Angelina Jolie is a classic narcissist? Would you say that Brad Pitt is too?

[/ QUOTE ]

To the extent that he finds it easier to go along with Jolie's crazed adoption plans rather than stand up to her and say enough is enough, and how do you have any idea if we can even handle what we've got, he has very strong narcisstic tendencies. I think this kind of zeroing in only on one's own's needs while neglecting urgent matters at hand could be somewhat more related to ignorance and lack of general maturity than what Jolie is up to, though. Brad's more of a passive narcissist, just dealing unsuccessfully and improperly with what could be thought of, by an immature person, as not really problems or someone else's problems. He isn't seeking out things to mess up on his own through hubris. Jolie is aggressively seeking out very serious things to f*ck up very seriously, and speeding up rather than slowing down, before she even has much of a chance to see the long-term results either for her or for her individual adoptees. Though both partners are equally responsible for the family they make, Jolie's active seeking out of more ways to get in way over her head marks her as I think a more dangerous narcissist. Without her, Brad might have just been moderately vain and weak. With her, his life may be going to hell in a handbasket and he may participating in at least passively encouraging a lot more disruptive behavior with lasting long-term consequences.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
I wanted to ask the lounge something about men but I was afraid that I'd already asked my question so yesterday I sat and read through this entire thread and it took forever and then I didn't feel like posting [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]. I had sort of forgotten about the posts I made in this thread. Very weird. I also forgot about Stuey's purses. Doubly weird. I really think I'm losing my mind. If I repeat myself will you guys just be nice about it and jog my memory? thanks.


[ QUOTE ]
That shows that she is what I thought she is -- a classic narcissist.

[/ QUOTE ]

Angelina Jolie is a classic narcissist? Would you say that Brad Pitt is too?

[/ QUOTE ]

of course he is. most big stars have to be. that's why they're stars.

[katyseagull]

No comment on my question above, about men and women who live together but have completely different attitudes toward marriage? Is it a big mistake for a girl to move in with a guy if her real goal is marriage and his goal is just killing time together and splitting bills? What's the likelihood of a guy going "hey! You're right, that's a totally awesome idea!"

[diebitter]

Some guys want that but are scared to commit - it is life-changing. Some guys just don't want it.

Your friend needs to divine which type her bf is. If it's the second there's no hope. If it's the first, there's a very good chance it'll work out fine.

For the first, she needs to go on a sex marathon with him for days and weeks on end to addle his brains so he'll cave.

I'm breaking guy code telling you this, so use it wisely.

[NhlNut]

Is marriage a deal breaker?
If so, I think she needs to give him a warning shot. Don't just up and give him an ultimatum, but let him know that one is coming.
Something along the lines of, "You know I want to get married and have kids. It's important to me. One of these days it will happen. Not today, but someday"
If she really wants to get married, then she better find out if the guy will go for it eventually. If not, time to look somewhere else.

[ QUOTE ]
What's the likelihood of a guy going "hey! You're right, that's a totally awesome idea!"

[/ QUOTE ]
I don't think any guy has ever reacted this way. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[revots33]

[ QUOTE ]
Shouldn’t he break it off if he doesn’t want to marry her?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes, but he probably does want to marry her. Eventually. He's just not sure if there's someone else out there he'd want to marry MORE. He doesn't want to close the door on that possibility yet.

Classic fear of committment. Ultimatums take all the romance out of a marriage proposal but I think the woman might have to play that card in this case.

I co-worker of mine's daughter was dating the same guy for 6 years(!), no proposal. She finally gave him an ultimatum, and when the date arrived she left him. Of course soon after that he started begging her to take him back, saying he wanted to marry her, etc. But she found a new man online and got married less than a year later.