Hitting on a friend

[Blarg]

haha.

Hey Rogue5, this bit: "oh well, I have no pride, I don't blame her for not being interested in me. I have no problem hanging out as friends, as long as she doesn't think I'm a stalker this should be forgotten in a few weeks." deserves comment.

You can't blame anyone for whether they're attracted or not, so don't take it as a downer. Sometimes people just have a type, and you're not it. No harm no foul, it's not even really a useful judgment. Don't get down on yourself about the fickleness of the rules of attraction. Not being picked by some girl doesn't mean anything bad at all. It can just feel that way!

As to your not sweating it not working out, cool. NEVER make a chick feel bad/punish her for not being attracted to you. It's not her job or duty. And actually being an unusually calm adult about it, if she's a real adult herself, may make her think very well of you, and that's money in the bank if you and one of her girlfriends ever become attracted to each other. Women can be so b*tchy and competitive, and try so hard to make sure their friends don't get together if they themselves are alone or unhappy with the one they're with, that a female actually recommending you to another one can be a huge and somewhat rare-ish boost. When it comes to a woman's opinion of you, never burn any bridges. The tribe is too big and powerful, and you can actually get it working for you, like interest accumulating quietly in the bank. Or something.

[Rogue5]

[ QUOTE ]

You can't blame anyone for whether they're attracted or not, so don't take it as a downer. Sometimes people just have a type, and you're not it. No harm no foul, it's not even really a useful judgment. Don't get down on yourself about the fickleness of the rules of attraction. Not being picked by some girl doesn't mean anything bad at all. It can just feel that way!

As to your not sweating it not working out, cool. NEVER make a chick feel bad/punish her for not being attracted to you. It's not her job or duty. And actually being an unusually calm adult about it, if she's a real adult herself, may make her think very well of you, and that's money in the bank if you and one of her girlfriends ever become attracted to each other. Women can be so b*tchy and competitive, and try so hard to make sure their friends don't get together if they themselves are alone or unhappy with the one they're with, that a female actually recommending you to another one can be a huge and somewhat rare-ish boost. When it comes to a woman's opinion of you, never burn any bridges. The tribe is too big and powerful, and you can actually get it working for you, like interest accumulating quietly in the bank. Or something.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, I think I phrased that poorly, didn't mean it to sound like that. basically what I meant was that I'm not gonna let pride get in the way and be angry about it.

I have no problem laughing it off and hanging out in the future. I am just kind of surprised at how poorly I read the signs, I really thought she was laying them out there pretty heavy.

Looks like it's back to the bars to pick up women.

[Blarg]

Don't be surprised how poorly you read the signs, either. You are probably dealing with either the girl's confusion over what she really wants, or her ego needs, that is, attenting wh*ring.

She might sorta like you but not really, so not be of a single mind. This is common with women.

She might also be either a permanent attention wh*re, which you may or may not be able to recognize, or just being going through an attention wh*re phase. A poster above noted some bit about her friends being a lot of guys. Ring a bell? Lots of women will play up to guys just enough to get some feedback, then back off. Thus reinforcing their ego that they're desirable. Some will do it with guy after guy. Keeping them on the string long-term may also do it for some. Basically this is an ego weakness you become a part of, enabling and rewarding it.

So, signs that a girl likes you suddenly turning out to unexpectedly be wrong does not mean you misunderstood the signs. The woman may not even consciously understand them much herself. They may just mean you're in a complicated dynamic with a creature less straightforward, and sometimes with less self-knowledgeable or even good judgment, than yourself. Standard. The game can even be fun once you get to recognize it. Next time, if you can see it coming, you can gain a step in the battle by not giving her such a clear response, which will force her to either redouble her efforts to be seductive, putting you in the driver's seat to pick and choose to what degree to respond and when, or force her to cut the crap because the jig is up and you're well aware of what she's doing and know it even if she doesn't. Both are better alternatives to what is actually a surprisingly typical pattern in female behavior. Try being a little more confident, and not so quick to jump at the bait, yourself. Women often hate it when guys are tediously predictable, and that quality can make them lump you in with all the other dreck she writes off fairly arbitrarily.