The Vet charged $800 to do this to me. Pics.

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you fudged the 1st person/third person in the second sentence

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How so? Please remember that English is my second language.

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Sorry didn't mean to offend or anything just got a bit caught up reading it.

"The leader of my pack is Howard (not his real name) Beale followed by his mother who shall remain nameless because it's her fault that I'm like this now. What happened? I'll tell you what happened! Mommy brought me to the vet to have my teeth cleaned, that's all."

I am pretty sure this should say "followed by my mother" assuming your mother and wife are both not involved in this.