How I Made 250k this year and have nothing to show for it.

[Bodoh]

Before i start let me make a few things clear.

1) Im not looking for a stake.
2) I am posting under a new nic. Some of you here know who i am and i prefer to remain anon atm.
3) Post is intended to warn you guys about how quickly things can go pear shaped.
4) I just really need to let it out.



So heres my story. Ive had just about the most incredible 12 months of my life. All up ive made 250k+ in poker, yet right now my accounts are empty and well, i have 2 bucks to my name. My upswing started late last year when i final tabled two smallish live events for 10k+. Before this i was a small time grinder mainly playing lower limits online. From this 10k, i started regularly cashing in weekly tourneys online and well, the money rolled in. Around late January, i had made close to 30k, i had a bigger roll than i ever had. So, i thought it was time to start helping out some of my friends who like me were small time grinders who i felt just needed a little help getting started. Initially it started at 1 but before i knew it i was staking 8 people online.(some of those guys left to play on their own after building a big enough roll. i ended up taking other ppl on) In those first few months all was jolly, i continued my monster upswing winning another 250k between Feb - July. And all my stakers were more than holding their own online.

Heres where it all went wrong. I started lending money out to players and friends, i let them play with my accounts online. Yes stupid i know, but i just cant say no to people. And really, at the time my thinking was, "People have helped me out in the past, so its time for me to start helping others when they're in need."

Around late July, my players started to run bad. Unbelieveably, all at the same time.(Btw they are mostly cash game players). Now i should have cut them off after the first couple of bad weeks, but i just didnt know how to tell them, 'sorry man cant help ya out'. My roll was sufficient to stake 1 maybe 2 players but was never enough to stake 8. I knew that, but well i guess im just a dumb knobjockey. In 6 weeks my guys lost 40k. I myself, probably lost another 20k, playing stressed.... Also, by this stage, debts owing to me had balloned out to more than 60k. Finally after one total disastrous 20k loss around late september, i went bust. No more money online, no cash anywhere, just lots of debts owing to me.

I tried to collect these debts but alas was given the runaround by the ppl involved. I tried approaching friends for loans(people btw whom i had helped get started, helped build bigger rolls), many turned their backs on me. Why? Well i guess some people only want to hang around you when things are going well, and bail at the first sign of trouble.

You must also be wondering, well what happened to the other 150k that you made. Well, winning big also meant spending big. I flew friends out for holidays, we had wild nights out at strippers, and me myself must have spent close to 30k on whores. Well yes im going to fess up to it. Its not that i didnt have to opportunity to date normal chicks, but at the time i just didnt have the time nor was i in the right state of mind to be in a relationship. I was having way too much fun.

The only good thing id say i did with my money was i did give 10k away to charity and 20k to help out my family. That helps me to sleep better at night.

Where to now from here? I honestly dont know. I mean, i am confident enough in my own abilities to get myself back on track. But mentally, i am shot. I feel so hurt and so alone right now. So many people have abandoned me. Probably close to 2/3rds of the ppl i hang around with. Yes i know, i probably didnt choose my friend well. But really right now i just feel so betrayed and cant be bothered going on. Ive helped out so many people, significantly changing at least 10 lives this year yet, where is that support when i need it the most. I just feel so distressed at life right now and i mean, what the [censored] is the point of it all when your friends arent there for you at your time of need? Im not begging for money from them, hell no!(they should offer considering i offered them) So please dont think my purpose in writing this whole rant is to gain pity. I just feel so used. The 60k+ owing to me well, that can pretty much be written off, these guys jut avoid me like the plague.

The only things keeping me sane right now are a handful of close friends who are pillars of support and my family. Sometimes i just want to end it all but thoughts of them keep me from doing anything crazy.

Anyway once again thanks for letting me rant. Hopefully i can start again somehow and do a better job of managing my money next time around.