variance: Running Oats

[Smell The Glove]

I first heard about the oat running business in this post (warning: may contain oot content) by Assani Fisher. I was intrigued by the idea of getting paid a million dollars plus $50k per year for a few minutes of work each day. Upon reading Assani's post, I pm'ed him and he put me in contact with an oat running recruiter named Tim Smiley. Tim works out of the Yuma, AZ location. I wasn't particularly interested in moving to Yuma or to New City, NY but Tim told me that new oat-running locations would be opening up shortly, and that he'd keep me up to date on new locations. My hope at the time was that one of the new locations would be somewhere in Southern California. This was back in October of 2006 and I had mostly forgotten about it.

For you guys who don't want to read Assani's post, here's a summary of the deal:
[ QUOTE ]
They need people who will go to a specified location every morning at 4:30 AM. The location will be the same every day. You then pick up an enormous pot of hot oats..... Your job is to move the pot 1 mile in distance..... Should you not give maximum effort each and every day, then you will be fired. You do not need to be in great shape; You just need to give maximum effort...... A few other rules: You must be on time each day, you may not be intoxicated in any way when you show up, you may not wear socks.

they will give you $1 million up front, and then you are locked into a 21 year contract doing this..... they pay $47,619 per year..... Should you break the contract, you must repay the $1 million no matter how far into the 21 year you are. So obviously there is some risk here....

After 21 years, you are eligible for the role of supervisor.... Supervisor positions will be handed out solely based upon points accumulated during your 21 year career. And this is where the big money is at!

[/ QUOTE ]

Last month, I quit playing poker for a living because of a 100 buy-in downswing and I started looking for a new career. I called up Tim and he said that a new oat running location has been opened outside of Fontana, CA. Perfect! I'm still not 100% sure about the deal, because I think that it might be difficult to run the oats perfectly every morning. But I'm willing to give it a shot because I'm pretty busto as it is, so I could really use that million dollars that I get when i sign the contract.

So today I'm driving from LA out to Fontana. I'm going to spend the night on my cousin Jerome's couch, and then I plan on going to the oat running location and signing the contract. As soon as I sign the contract, they'll give me a check for a million dollars. Then I can rent a real kick-ass condo somewhere nearby, and I'll start my career as a professional oat runner. I'll put all my updates in this thread.