Online beginner

[QuadDamage]

IMO 45 man games are closer in nature to an MTT than the STTs you play most often. Naturally you are going to have higher variance playing them.

If you find yourself doing something completely stupid in a 9 man game, just shake it off and realize that all you lost was your $5 buyin. If you can get ahold of yourself, fire up another one, but it sounds like you can't which, is hardly uncommon. Probably the last thing you want to do in this mental state is play tougher competition for higher stakes. Just play the STT until you find your self consistently making money over long periods of time, then consider expanding your horizons to other formats and higher buyins.

I think what I'm saying here is completely unprofound but needs to be said nonetheless.