Emotional Affairs

[Blarg]

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When it comes to my relationship with a woman it is my best quality I was thinking about this today when I got an innocent email from a "cool" woman I met on my recent business trip to Europe. I was all excited to hear from her even though the relationship was innocent. Then I realized that I would NEVER be excited like that if I had received an email from a guy I met on the trip. If was obvious from what she wrote that there was a component of me being a man. There is just simply no denying that our respective sexes play an important role. There is a sexual component in all this innocence. There always is.

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It might be more flattering, depending on your outlook. No harm there. Calling that little extra ego boost sexual, though, seems to be pushing the sexual value pretty hard. Sure it is, but at such a minor level. Did you actually feel guilty or something about that?

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Do you get that same sexual charge from ugly or simply unattractive women? I don't. Which brings us back to the fact that they're just people. And if you can accept that undeniable fact, it follows that you have to allow that more attractive ones are just people too, and may have something to offer besides a lot of skin wrapped around a vagina.

I am not saying that it is the only thing. I am simply saying that it is an important element that cannot be ignored.

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It doesn't have to be played up either. In fact I think it would be pretty creepy if every interaction with the opposite sex was played up for its sexual "value."

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Besides, they may not want to offer you their vaginas anyway, and you may not ask, so why assume it's even an issue? Fear of rejection? Sour grapes? Poor impulse control?

That is a funny way of putting it but they may offer indeed, especially if you know how to spark attraction in a woman. Rejection isn't the problem. It is simply one possible outcome in the dance.

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I think if any of us had to never stop dancing, we'd shoot ourselves. And not every woman is attractive enough to ask to dance anyway. Most of us successfully control our antics daily, and our interchanges aren't that fraught with meaning. I think I'd go nuts if every time I interacted with a woman, there was a constant throbbing subtext, and moreover one that I was sure I couldn't control.

Maybe I should eat more red meat.

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Here is where I think you are dead wrong. There is way less choice than you think. We are driven by VERY powerful instincts. If a guy has strong game, he can get women to do all sorts of things she never thought she would do if she was thinking rationally. There is a whole industry devoted to how you keep a women from letting her get her rational defenses up. I highly recommend "the game" or to read DeAngelo to anyone who thinks that relationships are about rational choices.

Here is an example from my recent trip. The first day, I was sitting talking to this guy at an outdoor cafe. 2 tables over was this cute girl sitting with her boyfriend. I am great with my eyes and I locked eye contact with her and I didn't look away. Neither did she. I kept the contact up and she proceeded to eye-f (sorry, couldn't think of a more accurate phrase) me for the next 30 minutes every time her boyfriend turned away. I went inside to go to the bathroom and I turned around and she had followed me inside. I could have made out with her while her boyfriend sat outside. I needed to get back so I just dragged my fingers on her arm, which she obviously liked.

Now, in your world, this girl made some conscious choice to treat her boyfriend like crap and to engage with another man while he sat outside. But, I highly doubt it ever even crossed her mind. I sparked attraction and it was simply "on". I bet she didn't even realize that she was following me inside as there wouldn't have been time for her to think,"hmmmm, I like that guy over there but I am with my boyfriend. It would be wrong to go after that other guy. Gosh, I have an ethical dilemma. What to do. What to do...." Instead, her body just picked her up and took her inside. It was purely instinctual. DeAngelo talks at length about this. I wish I could remember his exact discussion but it was basically that you want to do things that bypass a woman's rational mind so that her emotional/instinctual mind takes over. That is where a woman will do things that she normally would not.


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I can't believe you're serious!

You're positing this woman as a sexual automaton. She didn't even know she was walking into the bathroom? Because she hadn't even had time to think about it?

That was one of the more bizarre passages I've read in a while, no offense. I'm staggered you could think anyone thinks or operates like that. How long do you think it takes people -- including this girl -- to think? You even note that she had half an hour to think about it. Half an hour wasn't enough? Then her body dragged her, I think we can say by now, completely brainless head, in along behind it? Was her head haplessly flapping backward on her neck during this stroll?

Seriously, there's no way we'll come close to agreement, because it's hard for me to even picture a person thinking the thoughts you just wrote. I'd take it as a total put-on, except I'm feeling gullible today, and your other posts haven't had that tone, or at quite that level. I just really don't know where to go from here.