An interesting story from the gym yesterday

[Jihad]

This is a fairly embarassing story, but funny enough that I've so far been willing to share it with whoever is around. Figured you guys would get a kick out of it.

I was a little dehydrated and my stomach was a bit tumultuous yesterday when I arrived at the gym. I lifted for an hour, and decided that I was in decent enough condition to go for a half hour treadmill. The gym was full and I got one of the very few remaining treadmills. About 5 minutes in I started cramping, so I took a quick break to stretch. Got back on, 2 minutes later, repeat problem, same fix. 2 minutes later, cramps again, getting better but now my stomach starts talking to me. 2 small farts escape my delicate grasp and quickly make their way to my nose, where I define them as average in both smell and strength, so not that bad.

I jump back on the treadmill and feel wonderful. I slowly feel a sort of 'presence' in the room, and out of my periphery pick up that the 50 year old man beside me is glancing at me. After 1-0 seconds of that, he full on steps off of his treadmill and starts staring at me. I try to avoid his gaze, but eventually just look over at him to realize that he really is looking straight at me with a look of utter disgust. I stop running and take off my headphones:

"Can I help you, Sir?"
-"Did you just fart?"
"Yeah, actually, sure did."
-"That's revolting. Are you an animal? Why wouldn't you go to the restroom?"
"Well it wasn't planned, and the restrooms are downstairs."
-"Do you really think that's appropriate?"
"Not particularly, but I don't really think its a big deal"
-"Well it is a big deal. You should be ashamed of yourself."
"OK well I'm really not."

And then I just put my headphones back on and started running again, intentionally not responding to snippy comments or obvious stares. 5 minutes later I get a manager-type in front of my treadmill. I'm immediately thinking 'you really can't be serious, this HAS to be about something else.' He's not looking very friendly. So I stop slow the machine to a brisk walk and say hello.

"Can I help you?"
-"We've had a complaint that you are farting while on the treadmill."
"Well it was just once, and yes. I didn't really plan on it, but there was no helping it."
-"OK, I'm going to treat this as a warning, and if any more complaints get filed, or if any of the staff notice it again, we're going to ask you to leave for the day."

I've had a lot of problems with the staff and the gym in general, and I'm almost fed up, so I decide I want to go with this:

"I'm going to put my headphones back on and run. If you're not gone in 15 seconds, and if any of your staff ever approaches me about this issue again, I'm going to revoke my membership that same hour."

He left immediately, and I didn't hear anything for the rest of the day. Going back today, interesting to see if I'll have to revoke my membership or not, I have no problem either way. The only thing I regret is that I didn't have enough in me to fart on the manager. I really, really thought that would be funny, and certainly would have done it if possible.

-Jihad