I Need Management Advice

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3. Send out an office-wide memo stating that there is poo-poo in my no-no.

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This should be the very first thing you do. No, wait, it should be the second - the first thing you should do is treat the entire office to bean burritos from Taco Bell. Anyone who doesn't eat at least six of them should be subjected to merciless razzing until they sack up.

Then take away all the toilet paper.