SERIOUS TOPIC: Friend dying, son wants to send wife to mental

[Relvin]

institution/nuthouse.

Our family has been good friends with an older couple for over ten years. The husband is dying of cancer and might have 4 months to live. His wife has alzheimer's and as a result has short term memory loss. I don't know how to explain the severity of it, but basicly she says the same thing two or three times in a short time span (asks my dad if he would like a drink 3 times yesterday, each time he said no). The third time she asked my dad said he already told her why he didn't want a drink and when he implored her to remember why she was able to recall that he had to go to work. Other then that she carries on a conversation pretty normaly and is very talkative and social. Often her condition is not very bad and does not interfere much with our conversations.

Quick interuption to give history, the wife's husband died about 20 years ago and the husband's wife died around the same time. Both sides were pretty wealthy/well off. They couple got maried a maybe 17 years ago I believe.

The couple has a very nice house and I think a good deal of money. This is where the husbands son comes into play .... He flew in recently (from out of state doesn't visit too often) and apparently he claims that the wife had some medical tests done and they determined she has dementia and is unable to take care of herselt. As a result, the son says he will send the wife to a mental hospital/nuthouse when the husband dies and in addition the son gets control of all of the couples assets (husbands Will gives all money to son).


Here is the problem. The wife has no knowledge of any of these medical tests they claim have taken place (short term memory problem maybe?) They have actualy not even told her that her husband has about 4 months to live (she thinks he will recover). The son was given power of attorney by his father (the husband). The husband either knows what is going on or trusts his son to take care of his wife (may not know about the mental hospital at all).

power of attorney definition:

A Power of Attorney is a legal instrument that is used to delegate legal authority to another. The person who signs(executes)a Power of Attorney is called the Principal. The power of Attorney gives legal authority to another person(called an Agent or Attorney-in-Fact) to make property, financial and other legal decisions for the Principal.

A Principal can give an Agent broad legal authority, or very limited authority. The Power of Attorney is frequently used to help in the event of a Principal's illness or disability, or in legal transactions where the principal cannot be present to sign necessary legal documents.

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So now apparently he is responsible for taking care of the wife because she has been deemed to not be able to take care of herself (I find this to be very false on the basis of the numerour encounters I have had with her 30+).

So basicly the son wants to have all the money. He does not seem to get along with the wife very well and I do not believe he likes her. The sons girlfriend and the wife REALLY do not like each other. The son seems to have made some mental slips (my parents heard him say that if the wife does not start behaving better he will ship her to the mental hospital/nuthouse next week. However, I amsure this would not happen until the husband dies. I do not know what details the husband knows exactly. I believe he wants all of the money to go to his son since his wife has no close relatives to give it to when she dies.

We believe she should get the half she is entitlted to and that she can absolutly take care of herself with some help (a nice retirement home would be perfect for her). We think that she would be shocked and would not be able to handle being in the mental hospital (no suprise).

Our thoughts are to get her to come with us to get a second opinion on her condition from an unbiased pyhsician. The son seems to be quite confident that he is in complete control of the situation at this point. What would you do in this situaion? I don't see how we can just sit back and let this happen. If we explain to the wife what is going on she may not believe it at all and is actualy probably in denial a little bit about her medical condition.

Here is how I look at it. 1 in 3 people 85 or older have some degree of alzhemeirs. She is 84 years old. I am confident that she could take care of herself with some help at a retirement home. I am also pretty sure that 1 in 3 people over the age of 85 are not in mental institutions ... so there definitly seems to be a problem here .....

I left out some details because this is getting a little lengthy but all the important information is here.