Two-part post: friend's keys stolen, passing gas on my furniture

[tuq]

So today against my better judgement I was corrupted into meeting some friends for some Golden Tee. We are action junkies and when we do social things like there to be some competition involved.

Well, I met these guys and we rolled a game. Shortly after starting, two severely tattooed gentlemen came up and played the game next to us. That game was between our game and the table where our beers were. Kinda cramped. They put their stuff on that table too.

My wallet, keys, sunglasses, and phone were all pretty close to the edge of the table, easily pilferable should these guys catch us looking the other way. So at an opportune moment I grabbed my wallet and shoved it in my pocket.

Fast forward a bit. We're getting ready to leave, tattooed guys long since gone, as well as one of our friends. However, my other friend's keys are missing. Not under the table, not with our other friend. Gone. We go to his place and try to get into his condo, but the windows are locked. He ends up spending the next few hours with me waiting for his wife's flight to arrive from Seattle, so she can let him in.

Just completed the gauntlet of picking her up at the airport and dropping them both off at their place. Now he has to get his spare car key and hope his ride hasn't been jacked. Over/under on this happening? He's not worried about anything else, but I told him to worry: if his registration is in his glove box then they have his address and his house key.

The bartender said she recognizes one of the guys, so it helps that they're not transient.

So he comes over and we're watching The Big Lebowski to pass time. And he keeps passing gas on my couch. Luckily it's a nice leather couch so his ass smell isn't embedded in the fabric. WTF? I never blow ass in someone's ride or on their furniture, it just seems distasteful. Yet he was making a production out of it. This is rude amirite? Or is there a Man Law that says this is fine if there's only guys around?

Cliff's Notes: guy loses keys, I host him for a few hours, farts into my furniture. Fin.