More pain from your own poor play or bad beats?

[CptnObvius]

A few months ago I felt that I had a lot of holes in my game. I finally convinced myself to start respecting the great game of THNL and really assess what I was doing wrong and what I could do to correct it and become a consistent winner.

I read as many books, posts, threads as I could and tried to implement various recommended strategies. I was willing to lose a little to test out the various theories and indeed i did. Some of the plays I attempted got me into situations I was clearly not ready for and I was punished accordingly.

I did however, at the end of the experience, and despite feeling like I wanted to quit as I was completely emotionally drained, feel that my knowledge and skills were greatly advanced. After a short break and feeling refreshed I decided I would give it another go. Since that point I have played better than I ever had before and feel very confident that I am on the right path now despite not yet attaining the forever elusive perfection that haunts us all.

Recently however, despite my play being optimal in all but a small few situations which have not resulted in significant losses, my bankroll has been devastated.

My quandry is that I'm not quite sure how to feel about it. I am clearly playing well yet not munching on the fruit that good play should eventually bear.

When I play poorly I find it depressing as I basically have to admit that the people I am playing against are in fact, simply better players than me. This concept of ego getting in the way has been a problem for many I'm sure.

My question after all of this, is what hurts you more emotionally, losing $$$ through your own bad play or consistently losing $$$ when playing optimally?