Fighting fire with fire

[CORed]

In the culture wars, I've come to the conclusion that the "family values" people have it right. The only way to settle the issue is to force the other side to live right. Therefore, I am proposing the following reforms

Abortion: All women who don't have adequate financial resources or don't satisfactorily complete parenting classes shall be required to have an abortion. No child should be brought into the world by unprepared parents.

Sex education: By the age of 15, all children must complete sex education classes. Now, I'm not just talking about how babies are made and contraception and disiease prevention here. These of course will be included, but the classes will also include practical instruction. Students will have the choice of participating wiht partners of their choice or having partners randomly assigned. Trained instructors will guide the students in practical excercises including intercourse, anal and oral sex. Participation will be mandatory, even for students in private, or parochial schools, or home schooled. Gay sex will of course be included. After all, how can one truly know whether he or she is gay, straight or bi without tryijng out all of the options? Parents will no longer have the option of depriving their post-pubescent children of the benefits of a healthy sex life.

Ban on herterosexual marriage: In the spirit of affirmative action, and in the firm conviction that two wrongs do indeed make a right, heterosexual marriage will be banned for the next 5000 years.

Evolution: It will be mandatory for all religious intruction classes, be they Sunday school, catechism, Hebrew Shool, or whatever, to include instruction in the theory of evolution. All participants in these classes must reqad "Origin of Species" and pass a test. If they want to madate the teaching of religion in science classes , we can by God mandate the teaching of science in religion classes.

For those of you with broken sarcasm detectors, yes, I am kidding. What I have proposed above is outrageous, but no more outrageous than what the "family values" people advocate.