Weighty issue I feel powerless to handle (Longest Post Ever OMG)

[uclaben]

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Meanwhile, Dad still never loved Mom, and as little "May" was growing up, he saw in her face the face of his shrewish wife, and got depressed. He hated America. He didn't love his wife or daughter. He only loved his sons and the ex-wife who left him when he was sent to prison... and she was back in China. He yearned to go back to China but his sense of duty to his second family kept him in L.A. where he keeps to himself and barely speaks to his daughter for fear of having to face a younger version of his wife (however, if he only really got to know May, he'd see she's only like her mother in physical features; not in personality).

That leaves May, almost 30 years younger than her brother, over 50 years younger than her father, and the same age as her own niece, whom she refers to as her cousin because of the age similarity. She has nothing in common with her zealot Catholic mother, has virtually no relationship with her father, yet has basically resigned herself to the fact that these are the parents she is stuck with, and will honor and obey them until they die, no matter what kind of people they are. Because, I guess, beggars can't be choosers.

So -- does Dad believe in happy marriages? Yes, he had one, but war and imprisonment ruined it. Is he happy now? No. Does Mom believe in happy marriages? No -- she's never been loved by any man; so love is a luxury most people can't afford. To want it is to be selfish and flighty. The most you can ask for is to be taken care of financially. And you'd better like it.

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Something doesn't add up here.

A person who grew up in this type of family situation would be a huge longshot to avoid serious trauma of one sort or another. That leaves three possibilities, in my eyes:

1) She is currently dealing with severe trauma
2) She hit her two-outer and somehow avoided it, growing up as a normal, happy, American child
3) She didn't really grow up attached to these parents

The way you describe the situation seems to point to #2. #3 doesn't seem possible, since she apparently has a deeply rooted sense of devotion to her parents. If I'm analyzing this correctly and #2 is in fact true, can you explain why it is you think she was able to avoid serious personality problems, given her unstable family life?

I'm not just trying to play amateur shrink - I think this is really important to this relationship.