Weighty issue I feel powerless to handle (Longest Post Ever OMG)

[chesspain]

P.J.,

You and I initially had the following exchange over this woman in OOT:

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The psychologist in me wonders why you are still with this woman.

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Ask the poker player in you about sample size.

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I was initially confused about this glab answer, which I assumed suggested one of the following:

1) "It's O.K., because she's manipulative and crazy only a small part of the time."
2) "There aren't many chicks out there for me."

And then in this thread you state repeatedly about how you want to help her to cope/change/manage this overwhelming and unfair situation, with seemingly little attention being paid to choices she has been making (e.g. failing to tell her mother about you, feeling unable to confront her mother about her desire to not live under such restrictive liferules, etc.).

Then, the topper:

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I'm picky about girls, and tend to get bored with them or find flaws early on,

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As I piece all of this together, I'm struck by the fact as to how so much of what you've said reminds me of the codependent women I've treated...the ones who end up with the "exciting" men with "issues," because the nice guys are boring. We therapists facetiously refer to this subset of codependent women as "chaos girls."

Without any malice or disrespect on my part, I would like to suggest that rather than attempting to figure out solutions to May's problems, you spend a little more time thinking about why you are with this woman, and why you become bored and disenchanted so easily with the average (e.g. "boring") woman to whom you are initially attracted.

Good luck to you.

Dr. chess