BBV: Food poisoning

[Autocratic]

So I awoke this morning feeling fine, ready to go to work. Upon entering the bathroom I realized a strangely strong urge to take a dump. No matter, I figured, there is a toilet right here!

15 minutes later, I was sitting on the toilet, covered in sweat as my body temperature had risen about 10 degrees, desperately trying not to puke all over myself, and running cold water to splash all over my body so as not to collapse on the floor. In the past it was dumps like this that made me stop believing in God.

I have traced the culprit to 7/11, who produces terrible sandwiches that I sometimes get because I'm starving.

Beat: most unpleasant dump of my life
Brag: no work today holla
Variance: will spend the day losing money to afternoon grinders