going crazy

[bacats32]

I am going crazy with the downswing of cards I am in. I almost quit playing for a while as I was down to my last buy in for tourney sng 5 table on full tilt. Then I outright won 3 out of the next 5 I played. Then entered a tourney with almost 800 ppl and took 3rd. Now I am running horribly again. I am making the right moves putting my money in ahead. It seems I am bubbling every tourney I play and some gay suckout occurs. Or early in tourney's I have AA in bb and some idiot pushes when blinds are 25/50 with nothing in the pot. They hit their god dammed set every time it seems. I can't take it anymore. I have been crushing the live game I play but for some reason I just suffer tremendous beats online. I literally like feel (just like the Jedi does) that even though I am holding AA and he pushed, he is going to hit. (I play semi pro football that whole Jedi feeling thing totally positive there when making plays). I mean I just bubbled where someone called my pre flop raise with 34 and flop came 4 9 J, I had AJ. I pushed the flop he hits the 4 on turn. Blinds were 100/200 I had 1700 going in. 700 pre flop raise. I am baffled when that [censored] happens. And this was a satellite tourney 18 ppl top 4 get token.

I constantly read books to get better and know that I am but this streak is crazy. My wife tells me to stop playing bad. I told her sorry I don't have her luck (another story there) Finally she actually witnessed some beats I am taking and believes me. (She crushes the same live game we play in, but she doesn't have the same understanding I do)

I don't give ppl odds to call their draws, they call and hit anyway. When I have the odds, I don't hit.

Another note I have lost set vs. set 7 times in my life. Never gotten paid off with someone else having lower set. I have lost AA vs AA 3 times in last 2 months. Never once hit in my way.

I keep thinking that the gods are giving me a sign to not play this game. I have always played some game and made money on it. I come from the streets so there was always gambling. I have always learned how to win those other games and when the poker boom came I wanted to capitalize. I studied up and it seems I was winning more when I didn't understand the game as much.

The saying, "I think, therefore I am" is strong because I do notice the more bad beats I have the more that I think they will come the more they do. I don't make bad decisions by them. I do berate a player sometimes after I have suffered about 4 or 5 in a row though. I understand that they just don't understand and made a bad call and got lucky. They don't deserve the berating but after running bad or even cold and bad it sucks.

How can I handle this. Should I listen to the gods and quit this game or what. I don't understand.

I am pretty much for the most part a slightly better than a break even online player. Although I am doing well live but most games I don't have the roll to play consistently live. The live game my wife and I crush is a tourney 2 days a week for $40 buy in gets 40-50 ppl.