OK, so

[defixated]

Sorry, I just reread the OP and realized that I wrote a lot of stuff you already know. Here's the important part imo:

[ QUOTE ]
Basically my natural bent in life leads down a path that I don't want to, and I'm looking not to end up like people I pity.

[/ QUOTE ]

Who do you pity? Who do you admire? While I thought that many of the profs at Chicago were brilliant (Lucas, Sargent, Scheinkman), and some in the same set seemed genuinely happy and kind, I didn't actually want to be like them/do what they did. Part of graduate school is something like discipleship. Is there anyone (anywhere) you see now that you would like to emulate?