How do you stop people from offering unsolicited advice?

[goofball]

I have a few standards:

1. Order a salad from room service.
2. Use the fork to stab him in the leg under the table.

or
Hold up chips and say 'you know these? they used to be yours'

or
Say "I thought you were bluffing!" or "I had a good feeling"

or
The ipod idea is good but it has the best effect if you put it on mid rant.