The incredible power of grief

[renodoc]

I've been trying to get my thoughts together for a week now, but it hasn't come cohesively so i figured the next best thing was to make a rambling post here.

A good friend just died from pancreatic cancer. He was 43, married late in life and leaves children ages 4 and 2. He was co-chief resident with me during our residency. We worked, learned, and suffered somewhat together for 3 years. He was a mormon, and thus didn't smoke, drink, have premarital sex or do any other type of nasty thing to his body. He was one of the most gifted and giving people I will ever know. Indeed, he was like a brother to me.

In any event, he was diagnosed about 15 months ago and went through chemo and experiments and all that. I visited him about a year ago and when we parted I think we both knew it was likely the last time we would see each other. He died on Sunday and his funeral is tomorrow.

I went to a "visitation" this evening. It was beautiful. They had photos, paintings, video. They also had his project on display- a perfectly restored 1964 Jaguar that looked mint. As I walked in and saw all this I became completely overwhelmed with grief. I have been to funerals before, but rarely for someone my age. I found myself overcome with sadness. It was so intense. I had to leave, as I could not compose myself and everyone else was pretty mellow. I attribute this to two things: They live here (SLC) and watched and knew of his slow demise, and they are all LDS and are comfortable with the "he's in a better place" concept. Being a cynic and heathen I have much more trouble with that.

And it got me thinking about people who lose their kids. This must be much much worse, and I can't imagine how people get through it.

Thanks for listening. I should post some hot chick to balance out this post.