My first contract hit

[astroglide]

i can't remember the last time i got mad at an animal for doing what i would do if i were in their shoes. i think it's cute if a canadian goose walks in front of my car, [censored] all over the street, and then hisses at me if i get out and try to get him to move because honking just isn't doing the job. i just think to myself, "if i were a goose i'd walk in front of their cars and hiss because you know what? eff them!!" i like that their program is working out for them.

and of all annoying animals with annoying traits, i might get the biggest kick out of woodpeckers. a friend had one at his house and i thought it was adorable. he didn't kill it, maybe he did the owl thing and it worked. maybe this handyman guy of yours will do the owl thing and then kill him if it doesn't work for the same hundo? tell him that your wife, gf, or some other weak-hearted person put you up to it but we all know it was me. i don't have a really compelling reason, but fwiw it would make me really happy if you at least gave the alternative a shot first. and just to cover the meat-eating hypocrisy test you issued earlier, i've cut my meat intake by about 95% over the last several months. i might post about it.

p.s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_coaching is revealing for those of us that had never heard the term