Trip Report: Bachelors Party in Montreal.

[mikeymer]

First of all, holy [censored]. I am currently nursing a 2-3 day hangover.

Day 1:

Get to Montreal around 8:00pm, after driving up from New Jersey and immediately start drinking. There were 6 of us here at this point, and all of us are problem drinkers. after crushing two bottles of goose and half a bottle of jack, it was strip club time. We first went to Club Supersex after some recommendations, and let me say that the girls are smoking, probably the hottest strip club girls i've ever seen. But damn are they uptight, the lapdances suck and most girls are bitches. Nonetheless, it was a good time, we continued to get hammered and before we left I asked the waitress for a contact strip club, bc we were trying to make some bad decisions. Then she gave us the name of a now infamous strip club in my mind. Solid Gold. It was about 30 minutes from where we were, and worth every penny. Payed $200 with tip to get the bachelor on stage for half an hour with two strippers who proceeded to shove their vag in his face, whip him with a belt, and tons of hilarious other [censored] all while the DJ is on the loudspeaker talking about his fiance and what a pussy he's going to become. "Hey Mike the next time you see two pussies will be on dvd!" After this was over, I bought his little bro a BJ from this cute black chick for 80 bucks, and banged a stripper in VIP for $150. We liked Solid Gold. After Solid Gold, we went back to the hotel and drank til the early morning, then passed out.

Day 2:

Hangover city until about 3pm. Head over to a sports bar called Champs to start drinking and get some grub. Get a nice little buzz on, we had a cool waitress so we asked her where we could get some yayo and she pointed us to some random street corner by a metro station. This was SO shady, and we ended up buying a literal piece of rock off the street from this shady ass dude named Freeze. Yes, we are stupid Americans. But the whole situation was so shady I was happy just to get out of there without getting arrested, as there were so many cops around. So we get back to the hotel and continue drinking, and bump some adderol lines to give us a similar effect and proceed to try to goto a Strip Club called kamasutra. Nobody knew where it was and we ended up walking thru the only gay part of Montreal by mistake. After we passed a club called "Tools" I think we realized we once again were stupid americans and got in cab and asked the cabbie to bring us to the nearest strip club. I don't remember the name of this shithole, but it was awful. The girls looked like gremlins, most of them had braces or some other weird [censored] going on. We just got really drunk and laughed at these hideous girls, no lappy's tonight. My buddy gets so hammered he gets on the stage and starts swingin on the pole and almost gets his ass kicked by black canadien dudes, I get yelled at by a stripper named Tina because i said "ayo" to her trying to get the [censored]'s attention, and we get very drunk. We meet some black dude outside and a couple kids go with him and get some yayo, they miracariously (sp?) don't get killed and come back with some decent yay, and we stay up til 8am smoking blunts and doing various other drugs.

Last Night:

I was deathly hungover from the last night's binge, so we didn't get going until around 5:00pm or 6. We decide to pregame at supersex again bc the girls are so hot and then head over to solid gold around prime time. There was a good lesbian show, but other than that it was typical supersex...We head over to Solid Gold, and pay an extra 3-5 bucks each to go up to the upstairs, which was a much nicer well kept area. "It is customary to tip blah blah blah" If i heard another d-bag bouncer say this I would have thrown up, they are ridiculous with that [censored]. So we stay at solid gold, I have about an 800 tab that night, we get housed, I buy more yay from the waitress who was real cool and gave us good [censored], we all get lappies, and one of my buddies gets a BJ. Almost all of the Solid Gold girls were hot, and basically whores. We tried to get the bachelor a BJ but he didnt want one and that was cool w/ us. I had my disgusting stripper pay-for-sex moment of the trip so I was cool, and everybody went home happy. Went back, did some drugs, woke up at 10am to leave with top 5 hangovers of all time, it was awful. Unknowingly enetered the U.S. with yay on me bc I thought we did both bags the night before, but evidently only did one. I didn't even realize this until I was back in my apartment and it kind of freaked me out.

All in all, a crazy ass trip. We almost headed to some McGill bars to try to hit on some college girls but decided that this was a pay for boobies weekend and we would accept nothing less.