DANGER-WANKS?

[pennpal]

A Field Guide to Danger-Wanks

There are many things to consider while preparing for a Danger-Wank, each important in its own right. By definition, a Danger-Wank (DW) is simply masturbating where you should not, or where the risk of detection is high. The key to a sucessful wank is to plan carefully; one miscalculation and you can find yourself in a police station, maced and disoriented as you share a cell with "Sticky Pierre." If you plan your wanks wisely, you'll be well on your way to becoming a professional wankist.

<font color="green"> Location, Location, Location </font>

Location is everything while performing a Danger-Wank. The more public the place, the more skill is required to wank undetected and the more recognition you will receive from the wanking community. However, these places carry with them inherant risks. Certain situations are the "Black Diamonds" of the DW'ing world, such as at a job interview, flying a commercial aircraft, and refereeing a u9 soccer match. Do not be discouraged! Opportunities for the DW are everywhere.

Take, for instance, your brother's wedding. "Ah, but pennpal," you might say, "there's plenty of places to do the deed at a wedding. Where's the challenge with that much pew cover?" Well, loyal reader, perhaps you're looking from the wrong perspective.



<font color="green"> Who's Around? </font>

Another key factor to consider is the amount of possible witnesses. Setting also has a place here; take, for instance, the movie theatre. The adult theatre has long been a staple of the Danger-Wank community, but as of late it has become all-too standard. For an amateur wankist, the adult theatre is a right of passage. However, there are few onlookers, and should someone catch a glimpse they'd be unlikely to report you. An experienced DW'er, on the other hand, looks for a bigger challenge.



<font color="green"> You're Caught! </font>

Lastly, we must cover what to do should you be spotted. No matter how skilled you are, you're bound to be caught eventually. It's best to have a few choice words in mind to get yourself out of a bind. Some favorites include,

"SNAKES!!"
"Wait, this isn't the doctor's office!"
"OH GOD IT'S BURROWING"

While I would reccomend against,

"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD I'M COMING OHHHH-GHHGHHAAGAAAAA-AAAAOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. ... ... Why hello there, Mom."



Everyone used to be a beginner, from Paul Reuben to yours truly. The most important thing to remind yourself is not to get discouraged- what's one measly arrest record when you have a whole life of wanking ahead of you? I hope you appreciate the tips- Follow them and you'll be an expert Danger-Wankist in no time.