Short Trip Report: Viejas Indian Casino

[MooBot3000]

So it's sunday afternoon and I head down to Viejas to take some social security checks since they have some stupid promo for the regulars on Sundays that gives them a chance to win cash every hour or something. I walk into the blackjack room see a cute 30 something asian dealer smiling at me...come play MooBot...robustoville is right down the road! I think about putting on my turn signal to the tables, but I realize that she looks chinese and I've only had cooler experiences with the such. I fair much better with the hispanic dealers. I pour a bucket of water on myself and regain my senses and head up to the poker room (walking through the gross fog of the indoor smoking section that they allow in Indian casinos in CA).

I immediately get seated at the only open 1/3 seat they have left. Score! Some old dudes look like they should be on oxygen tanks and practically drooling on their stacks. Get out your government checks boys!!! To my right is an overly friendly pearl salesman from Hawaii who has a black pearl bracelet looking thing as his card protector. WHALE ALERT. I put on my scuba gear. To my left is a construction looking guy who has the worst looking palms I've ever seen in my life. Now typically I don't examine people's palms, but his looked like he took sandpaper to them and rubbed them for approximately the last 10 years of his life. I figured he had some sort of condition and disregarded it (and by disregard I of course mean stared at it every spare moment I had).

First hand, I'm dealt 88 flop a set, get all on the turn vs. 9T for top pair 5th kicker. Boom +200. I build my stack up from Mr. Whale who is literally donating money to the table. He pushes rivers against people who have the obvious nuts as pure bluffs, limp rerasise pf with air, etc. Fun times. I don't know how but I'm sitting on approx 600 and up 2 BIs. I'm the best poker player in the world. Things are good, and keep the good times rollin, I look down at two black bullets in the BB. 50 limpers to me, I bump it to 30 and get called by some donk in MP, 2/5 regular button (who seems to suck, but knows the hand rankings, which is more than the rest of these donkeys) and Mr. Whale all call. Holy ginormous pot batman! Flop is beaauuutiful A26dd. I lead 2/3 pot cause I hate flush draws and get called by button and Mr. Whale. Turn 5c. Hrm....I HAVE A SET YAY! I lead 120 and get called by Button only (Mr. Whale...come back....). What the hell? I put Button on AK or A 2purrr...mostly AK cause who can ever fold AK. River is the sexiest black duck in the entire world. I like my hand. I lead 120 again fishing for AK to call. He pushes AI and has me covered...wtf could have. I of course instacall and flip aces. He looks sad and shows 34cc. *Play sad music* I'm the biggest luckbox in the world (and the best player)! POKER IS EZ.

Now Mr. Whale is getting pissed at me and my ~1300 stack as he continues to dump BI after BI to the table. At one point he gets fed up and turns to me: "Would you like to watch me play a 10k hand of blackjack?" "Yes, I would very much like that kind sir." I go down with him. After 10mins arguing about the betting limits with the floor they let him bet 5k max. He wins. He fires another 5k bet, he loses. He says fkkk it and goes again. He wins. I pleed him to stop (so he can dump it at the pokah tables of course). He stops. YAYA!

He's now gunning for me. He's checkraising my cbets like it's his job and I'm not liking his bluff monkey style. I look down at 77 in the bb. A few limpers + WHALE to me, I raise to 20 only WHALE calls with ATC. Flop is KQ9ss. I hate this flop. He's a bluff monkey. I check flop for pot control, but want to show down. Turn 3c. I still hate my hand. He checks...wtf...why wouldn't he bet? This is veryyyy suspicious. He loves bluffing. He must have a hand here. I check. River is a....what is that? it looks kinda crooked. Yo sandpaper palms, what is that? A SEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEnnnnn he says. Oh, ok. Whale fires out 100 betting x2 the pot. WTF. Oh wait, it's the 7s. There's a flush....hrm...he's a bluff monkey...he really wants to beat me in a hand....but, he's a bluff monkey..bah, i have a set...BLUFF MONKEY...i can't fold....this isn't a bluff tho, right?... I think about crying. Fold...BLUFFF FFFFFFF FMMFFMONKEYEYE..ok raise...no no wait. I slap myself and call. He turns Q3o. And yells "SHIP IT!" I reply "OHHH NOEEEESSS! YOU'LL HAVE TO CONTINUE DUMPING FURTHER MONIES TO STEAL MY (jew) GOLD." He asks the waitress for a knife (really) and pretends to stab me with a butter knife (really), i get kinda nervous because the rest of the table probably wants him to do this cause now I'm up ~1600. Nobody is stopping him. I'm laughing nervously.

I survive the butter knife stabbing and run out of that hell hole with all my red chipzzz.

LOL TRICKZ U! NOT SHROT AT ALLLLLLL!!!!! LLLLAWL.