beat: My rant.

[Colombo]

The day was January 16th. I had recently moved up to 600nl and made somewhere around ~$6,000 the previous day, so I was in a very good mood. I decided to stay home sick from high school since it was just a review for mid-terms, and I'm smart enough to survive without them. I keep wondering what would have happened if I decided to go in that day. Naturally, I booted up poker, and began the mark of the longest bad run of my life.

Well, its 8 weeks later now. I got home from 300 and felt like killing people, so I got on stars and had another losing session, beginning my 9th losing week in a row. In 2,000 hands, I somehow managed to have set under set 5 times. Yesterday I had quads under quads. Crazy huh? Anyway, I didn't come here to list off random beats that nobody cares about. I just need to get this stuff of my chest.

I remember playing 400nl and crushing it. Man that was fun. Ask any regular there at the time and no doubt I was in their top 5 list. What changed? I'm nearly busto now, and have managed to lose 85% of my online roll during these 215,000 hands. It just doesn't make sense to me. I know this sounds whiny and all, but I guarantee that out of BBV as a whole, less then 3 people have ever run as bad as me (there may have been more, but no doubt they would have killed themselves by now. I truly admire my willpower at least).

It's just like nothing works for me. I study the game more than 99% of the people and I'm the hardest worker I know. Playing less tables, playing more tables, playing tighter, playing looser, watching aba's video have all been futile attempts at getting my graph going up again (moving up did work though. My shot at nl5k after a bad day in nl400 went well, thanks BBV).

I know that everyone is gonna come in here and tell me that I suck and that I was probably always a loser and just ran good. Whatever, say what you want. As I said before I'm not looking for sympathy. All that matters is that I know in my mind that I'm a solid winning player, and that's all that matters to be honest. It's just unfortunate that the poker gods chose me to feel their wrath harder than anyone. I'm playing the Sunday Million tomorrow, and that will probably be the end of my career unless I go deep. I simply can't take it anymore. All my hard work has not been paying off, and I have no passion for the game. It's been fun, but it looks like my end has come.