Beat: PJN is hastening my homelessness

[Anacardo]

So your moderator just encouraged me to play some NL $50 to right the ship. Moral: PJN Is Not Your Friend.

Hand 1:

PJN is UTG and has the table covered. I am on the button with just under a buyin; there's one guy with a half-stack in the BB. PJN opens for $2. Crazy LAG in the CO calls. I have red aces on the button and make it $8.50. BB pushes for $25. PJN re-pushes for $150 or so. I call with the rest of my stack. PJN flips up QQ and BB shows AQs. I nod and rate it about even money that the case queen comes out.
Flop 842r, turn Q, river 4, PJN scoops.

Hand 2

Three-handed. Crazy LAG on the button, I'm SB, PJN is BB. Crazy LAG raises to $1.50. I call with Ac3c. PJN calls in BB.

Flop comes K43 with two clubs; it's checked around.

Turn is 6c. I bet $3.50 and PJN calls.

River is Ks. I bet $8, PJN instashoves, I call $51 before it can hurt too much. PJN shows Kd3d and scoops.

I will spend my last hundo on bus fare, matches and a can of gas with which to set his house on fire.