Balcony Climbing - Trip Report

[housenuts]

This might be a little long but I think it's probably worth while.

I have 2 weeks off work so I came home. My parents live about 45 minutes out of town. Last Saturday night I went to town to play poker, watch UFC, and then go out to the bar with about 5 friends. I was planning to stay at the apartment of 2 of my friends.

The night starts off good. I brought a 12-pack of Pilsner and a bottle of Shiraz (it was at the till, so my impulses got the better of me) to start the night off. We were there for about 4 hours and I managed to finish my last beer on the walk to the bar.

We get to the bar, I haven't seen my buddies in forever, so shots start flying left and right. It seems like the bartender is pouring us a constant flow of double gin and tonics. One of my friends farts so bad that this girl in the vicinity checked her shoe for dog crap.

The night is coming to a close and I can't find my buddies. In fact this part is all hazy. Anyways I get in a cab and go to their apartment. I buzz up, they aren't there. Then I get this noble idea to climb the balcony. They live on the 4th floor. So here I am, absolutely loaded climbing like a madman outside this apartment. I made it to the 3rd level balconies and I can't make it any higher. It was pretty high up and a fall would have meant almost certain death. I remember it being way too sketchy to climb down as well since I had to jump from the level below to grab the railing of the one above. So going down would involve a leap of fate.

I pondered my options and at first decided to sleep on this random balcony. I lay on the freezing cold balcony for about 5 minutes then decided screw that. I gently started knocking on the sliding glass door of the unknown apartment whose balcony I was on. This is about 4am mind you. After about 5 minutes a 40+ woman who I wouldn't be able to identify if it was between her and one other person, came to the window and was completely terrified! I think she may have even shrieked. I'm 6'4" so I probably cast a pretty scary figure outside her window on her balcony. I had my hands up in a "it's ok, i'm not going to harm you" sort of way. I think I plead my case to her from outside the glass before she decided to open up. In fact, she woke up her roommate, and had her roommate hold open the front door of their apartment that leads to the hallway. Then she slid open the glass door, and told me quickly to go out. I remember totally going the wrong direction, and the roommate pointing me outside. I wish those 40 year old women the best. They could have been 25 for all I know, but I think they were older.

Here's where my high intelligence really kicks in. Now I'm in the hallway of the apartment building. Instead of going up one floor to my friends' place, I go outside. I don't know why I did this. I think it was out of shame and I just wanted to get out of there ASAP. So I ended up sitting out front for about 5 minutes and then some guy came back and I followed him in and went and crashed on my friends' couch.

Here's where it gets interesting too. In the morning I told my friends' what happened. Apparently they called me after the bar and I told them I just got out of a cab at their place, and they told me they'd be home in about 10 minutes. I have no recollection of this call. So instead of waiting I guess I decided to almost kill myself and scare the crap out of 2 ladies. And then they came home, ate pizza in their living room while I was trying to be all spiderman and they had no idea where I was. Then they went to bed, and I stumbled in shortly thereafter.

A look at the balconies the next morning also showed that they were really old and rotting, and many of the railings were broken or didn't look as if they could support much weight. All in a good night's fun I guess.

3150 posts here and this is probably my longest.