the horrors of prison..

[amazinmets73]

I've been sentenced for a D.U.I. offense. My 3rd one. When I first came to prison, I had no idea what to expect. Certainly none of this. I'm a tall white male, who unfortunately has a small amount of feminine characteristics. And very shy. These characteristics have got me raped so many times I have no more feelings physically. I have been raped by up to 5 black men and two white men at a time. I've had knifes at my head and throat. I had fought and been beat so hard that I didn't ever think I'd see straight again. One time when I refused to enter a cell, I was brutally attacked by staff and taken to segragation though I had only wanted to prevent the same and worse by not locking up with my cell mate. There is no supervision after lockdown. I was given a conduct report. I explained to the hearing officer what the issue was. He told me that off the record, He suggests I find a man I would/could willingly have sex with to prevent these things from happening. I've requested protective custody only to be denied. It is not available here. He also said there was no where to run to, and it would be best for me to accept things . . . . I probably have AIDS now. I have great difficulty raising food to my mouth from shaking after nightmares or thinking to hard on all this. . . . I've laid down without physical fight to be sodomized. To prevent so much damage in struggles, ripping and tearing. Though in not fighting, it caused my heart and spirit to be raped as well. Something I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for.
— A.H., Indiana, 8/30/96

On January 27, 1993, I was forcefully raped! I was held down while at least 3 black inmates had anal intercourse using my rectum as their sexual pleasure release! From that day on, I was classified as a homosexual and was sold from one inmate to the next. I was sold for a $2.25 bag of coffee! . . . Blacks tend to rape the white inmates and force themselves on weaker inmates! I am one of the weaker inmates!
— J.D., Texas, 9/6/96

Why prison sexual assault occurs: Part of it is revenge against what the non-white prisoners call, "The White Man," meaning authority and the justice system. A common comment is, "ya'll may run it out there, but this is our world!" More of it I think is the assaulters own insecurities and them trying to gain some respect in their peer group by showing that they "are a man." This subculture is concerned with appearances, and the more imposing an appearance, the more respect you command. Some of the guys I rode with didnt want any sex or $. They just wanted the status of having a "Kid." Naturally, I liked them best.
— S.H., Texas, 9/10/96

It's either rape or be raped and the racial tension doesn't help any.
— W.M., Texas, 9/13/96