post on imdb about american movie censors

[fish2plus2]

this is off the malena message board:

You'd better study this well as from next year you have to show proof that you passed this exam before you can buy tickets to any movie in the US !


All questions are mandatory, time allowed 20 minutes, don't use calculators.

Choose the correct answer for each of the following:

1) The film is shown in the US missing 17% of its original play time because

a) it has shrunk in America's cold winter
b) the FBI cut the parts they thought contain hidden messages to sleeping cells
c) it is normal, "lord Of The Rings" was 37 houres before the US sencors cut it
d) NTSC means; Never Think Sensors give a Crap

2) They cut sex/nudity but left the brutal beating of Malena because

a) sex is a sin but violent beating is an olympic soprt
b) Malena is a Democrat
c) CIA found 'proofs' of a connection between Malena and Al-Qaeda
d) All of the above

3) In the only sex scene they left, why did they play with image ratio so that letterbox hide Monica's lower body?

a) Because the fact that Monica has a bush is a highly guarded secret the Italians asked the US not to expose
b) Because they wanted the public to be loyal to one bush only (George W.)
c) Because they found scientific evidence that looking at Monica's bush could melt the eyes of the audience
d) Because they were afraid divorce rates would skyrocket after men see what a real female should look like below the waist

4) They cut the kid's fantasy sex with Malena although it was not much worse than Birth imdb.com/title/tt0337876/, couple of kisses and a kid looking to her nude body, because

a) sensors are idiots
b) sencors are morons
c) sensors aee insane
d) a & b & c

5) the secene where she's washing her breasts with a lemon had nothing to do with the kid, still they cut it, because

a) we were bad, did not brush our teeth so the sencors are punishing us
b) why the fuss? Monica is just an acctress who has been voted the most beautiful woman alive by most gentlemen magazines, not a big deal
c) they were afraid we may get used to such classy erotica and stop caring for the likes of Halle Berry's disgusting scene in Moster's ball
d) it was not because of Monica, but the lemon was naked so they had to cut the scene

6) kids aged 12 are allowed to see the uncut version in Spain, Germany, Belgium, Sweden, most of South America and in France and Italy no age limit on this movie, because

a) when they die, the people of these countries are all going to hell
b) kids in these countries know better than to build their life styles on a movie, ours don't
c) it's a well known fact that pregnancy in Europe is 72 months, so kids there are born aged 6 years thus when they are 12 they actually are 18
d) what do these countries know, they did not believe that Iraq has nuclear weapons

7) no one ever thought of releasing this movie in the US uncut as "unrated" or even with X rating, because

a) they want to boast the economy of our alley South Korea by forcing us to buy the crappy quality Korean DVD
b) they are afriad Michael Jackson may watch it then go to italy after the kid
c) this movie is much worse than these gay porn, vomit, scat and bestiality DVDs sold legally all over the US
d) Condoleeza Rice told the president that Monica's butt is a weapon of mass seduction, but he didn't get the joke

End of test, good luck.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0213847/board/flat/28822890