Brand New What?

[andyfox]

Typical Commerce game. Two players are in the game who are so obnoxious that when they went to a party with Osama Bin Laden, Adolph Hitler and O.J. Simpson, everybody, said, "Ugh, those two Commerce A-holes are here."

It's 3:48. A-Hole A asks for a new set-up. They can only request it on the hour; I'm not sure what the grace period is.

They bring over the new set-up. Cardroom manager happens by at that moment. "Bring us a brand new one," says A-hole B. "A brand new what?" inquires the manager, demonstrating to me that he has a far better sense of humor than I had previously thought.

"A brand new Rolex," I volunteer.

"A brand new set-up," says A-hole B, glowering at my daft impertinence. "I want brand new ones."

"I'll have to get get them," says the girl who had brought over the apparently grossly inferior non-brand new set-up, with the gritty determination of a Chinook on an upstream spawn.

"Well, meanwhile," says A-hole A, "leave us that new set-up and then we'll change those out when you bring us the brand new ones."

4:00 is usually my nap time so I'm anxious to play the last two hands before my big blind before beddy-bye.

"We're not changing the cards twice," I say. "Right, Lefty?" I inquire of the manager (whose real name is not Lefty; I've changed it for literary reasons).

"Take those back and bring them brand new ones," Lefty orders, in a muscular voice pregnant with the overtones of the Mafia capo di capi he not so secretly wishes he was.

I fold the last two hands before my big blind and rack up to leave. A friend of mine in the game, who really does have a great sense of humor, exclaims:

"Andy, you can't leave now. We're gonna get BRAND NEW CARDS! And lollipops!"

You on-line players just don't know what you're missing.