Dealing with a loss (stillbirth)

[Jasper109]

My deepest sympathies on your loss.

While I don't have any children, my sister lost her 3 year old son in a car accident in 1991.

I can still remember vividly the phone call from my mother, and the overwhelming feeling of grief that I felt at that instant.

My wife at the time and I flew to where my sister and family were living for the funeral. Those were probably the 3 or 4 most difficult days of my life. I tried to be there for my sister, but of course I couldn't do or say anything that would make her feel better.

At the time of the accident my sister had two sons (the older one survived the accident relatively unhurt), and now that son is 19 and has a 13 year old sister who was born not long after the accident. She would not be here today if not for the accident, as they hadn't planned on having more children.

My sister and I talk about Spencer once in a while, and even though time is a very good healer, it's not something you ever get over. I'm happy to say that my sister and brother in law are still together, because the divorce rate in such cases is extremely high. From what you have written I get the sense that you and your wife will grow much much closer because of what happened.

I hope that you and your wife do have more children. It won't make up for the loss of your son, but it will probably help in terms of the healing process.

I'm not sure if it's worse losing a child that you never got to know, a 3 year old, or an adult. I assume that all of the situations are equally unbearable.

I wish you and your wife all of the best. Take things one day at a time, and I'm sure you'll have many extremely happy times in your lives that you have to look forward to.