Anyone want to be my mentor?

[Bobb]

Well actually, my tutor.

Quick background. Got the poker bug last summer, began with $5 SnG's with friends, bought the Hellmuth book, yada yada yada. I've put money into stars about 4 times ($50 increments) and lost it everytime. I didn't know about bankroll management whatsoever. I put $100 into Party and played .5/1, due to my lack of a proper bankroll and my blindness to BJ's horror, I quickly went broke. I havn't played for money in about a month. So far in my poker education, I've read GSHE, SSHE, INTP (still probably a little over my head), and the majority of ToP, Poker Essays 1 & 2. I also picked up some good advice from Zen and the Art of Poker about patience and the long-run.

I have 2.6k hands logged into PT at .5/1 from when I was at Party. General stats were: VP$P - 26.71 PFR - 9.8 and my aggression is at 3.29.

I feel like I have a good foundation as of now to start a new bankroll. My plan is to put $50 into Stars sometime this week and and build a bankroll at the micros. I know if I stay disciplined and play within my BR I can greatly reduce my risk of ruin.

On to the point of this thread. Disclaimer: (This is an utterly riculous request)

I want someone to be my mentor/tutor. Someone to guide me on my way to becoming a winning player. Someone I can PM hands to and ask how they would have played it. Someone who can fill me in on new bonuses that I should take advantage of. Someone who can give me useful pointers when I move up. Someone who wants to help me succeed.

Anyone? You can do this out of the kindness of your heart, or maybe we can get some kind of payment plan. X% of my winrate? <font color="white"> I predict that the majority of replies will point out that 2+2 already does this for me. </font>

Ok, let the flaming begin!