DR. DOM #3: Why you shouldn't get married until you're 30

[Dominic]

<u>DOMINIC'S MANIFESTO
on Sex &amp; Relationships</u>

part 3

Yes, I'm back. It's been a long time since Dr. Dom has posted. I thought my first two columns would've brought about a new age of dating enlightenment for all 2+2ers, but alas, it was not meant to be.

What has brought about Dr. Dom's return? The many threads by 20-something OOTiots that are asking for relationship advice. Like the 20 yr. old who's worried that he only has sex with his 22 yr. old GF once a day when she told him she had had sex with her ex 3X a day.

Good god, Dr. Dom lost IQ points just writing that last sentence. Good thing he didn't go to Cornell.

So this lead Dr. Dom to write his 3rd proclaimation:

<u>A male should never get married before his 30th birthday</u>.

Now i know there will be many of you who will argue this point, saying "My GF and I have been together 4 years now, including high school, and we're soul mates!"

Bullshite.

Yes, there are always exceptions, and I'm sure you know of one or two couples who have been together forever. Hell, Dr. Dom's cousin Joe got married at age 24 with the only girl he had ever dated or had sex with - and they're still together.

So it can work. If you're one of the few people out there who have found their life partner at a young age, good for you. But since Dr. Dom only knows one person in his life who got married young and stayed married (cousin Joe) I won't proclaim you soul mates just yet, 'kay?

And let's not forget that even my cousin isn't out of the woods yet.

So why should a young man not even think about marriage until he's over 30? Good thing for you that Dr. Dom has made a list:

1) Maturity

The simple fact is, at age 22 you really have no idea who you are yet. I know you think you do, but trust me, by the time you're 35 you're going to look back at your 22 year old self, scratch yor head, and wonder just who that doofus was.

There is no bigger change in self than what happens between the ages of 20 and 35. Your politics, what music interests you, what you like doing in your spare ime, how you like your eggs - they will all change as you get older. So what makes you think you're going to be interested in the same girl 15 or 20 years from now that you're interested in now? Because, chances are you won't. And what are you going to do when you're 40 years old, you have a perfectly adequate 40 year old wife, and you're pining away for the 25 year old waitress at your local sports bar? Be miserable, that's what.

Why? Because what are you doing after spending the ages of 20 - 40 banging the same broad? You're left wondering about all that you missed, all the wild oats you could've sowed, all the T&amp;A you could've tagged, yes, even all the porn chicks you might have had the opportunity to boink, that's what.

The younger you get married, the more intense this "Grass is always Greener" syndrome will afflict you.

"But wait, Dr. Dom, don't older men think this, too?"

Sort of. But if I've waited until I'm 35 to get married, if I have already had my share of wet &amp; wild weekends, my given number of poontang, I'm now ready to settle down and commit to one woman. Will my longing for newer, fresher pussie go away? No. It never does. But here's a secret for all you young'uns out there: a small amount of longing is healthy. It's good for your relationship, because it makes your marriage special. Hell, if it were easy, everyone would stay happily married, right? But because you're choosing to only be with this one, special person, not only only will your marriage be better, but your sex life will be better.

But only if you've already had the sexual experiences you've fantasized over. If you haven't, those desires will poison your relationship.

You all know of my porn past. My last relationship lasted 4 years. Did I ever regret being in it, ever wish I was still out banging Jenna Jameson? Not even a little bit. Why not? Because I had already had those experiences and didn't need them to fulfill my life anymore.

So why do young men feel the need to get married? Because a lot of you (2+2ers especially) are not exactly the Ladie's Man type, are you? You're a little geeky, maybe not fantastic looking, too thin or too heavy, with very little money and/or social skills...and yet you've managed to convince some decent-looking chick to let you bang her on a regular basis.

You feel like you actually DID win the lottery, didn't you?? You feel like you can't let this one go because who knows when you might get this lucky again?? Marry her immediately because this might very well be the last pussie you will ever score!

Well, I'm here to tell you this is just not the case. And this leads us to our next item on the list of why you shouldn't get married until you're 30:

2) Older men score hotter, smarter, more desirable women.

You know it to be true. But why is this so?? You're 22, you're strong and virile and have youth on your side! Why can't you score hot women, too?

Well, you can. But the whole point here is why settle for the first car you take for a test drive when there's plenty of newer, more beautiful models to take a look at, too?

Seriously...older men get the chicks because they have A) Confidence, B) Money, and C) Looks.

"WTF Dr. Dom, that's not true!"

Yes, Grasshopper, it is.

The older you get, the more confident you will grow. It goes back to that self-awareness we were talking about before. You feel more comfortable in your skin, you know who you are.

Women are attracted to confidence. You've heard this a million times, I know...but it drives you crazy because no one is telling you HOW to project that confidence, HOW to actually BE CONFIDENT! You know why? Because you can't really fake it. Either you're confident in yourself or you're not.

And what brings on this confidence? Experience. Becoming knowledgable in the ways of the world and your chosen field. Dating lots of women.

Let's make an analogy all of us on 2+2ers can relate to:

The first time you played poker, you were scared and excited and you really had no clue what you were doing, right? But it was FUN. So you kept playing it and you kept learning and you kept studying until you reached the level your are at now. What would've happened if you had sat down and not learned from your mistakes, not grown as a player? You'd be very bad at poker, wouldn't you?

So what makes you think your first few times of sex you're going to be any good at it, or even know what she's going to like? Hell, I bet half of you didn't know what YOU liked yet the first time you got laid. It's the same for relationships. The first one might be great, it might be mgaical, but when it doesn't work out, hopefully you've learned something and can apply what you've learned to your next relationships.

There's a joke going around these days calling first marriages "Starter marriages." I think the term has more truth to it than most care to admit. People are living longer, so if you happen to get married young, you're looking at spending close to 70 years with the same person for the rest of your life! Yikes! Do you really want to spend 70 years regretting never having had a threesome? Or banging a redhead? Or an Asian gal? Or whatever you might like??? Of course you don't.

Money. Whether you like it or not, how much money you have is directly related to how hot of a girl you can pull. Like it or not, I don't care. It's the truth. So please don't write me saying, "well it shouldn't be that way!" Tough.

The older you are, the more chances at having and making money. Even you young'uns doing very well at poker will not do as well as a more seasoned man with the same wealth. Why? Because us older guys know how to spend that money! Nice houses, vacations, dinner and wine, culture...we're not spending our hard-earned money on "fly rims" or bling for our grills or a ridiculous collection of PS2 games.

And women like that. Most women like to be the girl in the relationship, you know? The one being shown and taught new things, the one being pampered and taken care of. (Okay, girls, don't jump on me - I don't mean to suggest that women like to be unequal in the relationship - just that there are certain male/female roles all women want to be fulfilled. You can still be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company and have your man make you feel soft and feminine and taken care of at home, right?)

Better looks. I know, you think I'm crazy about this one, don't you? Yes, if a girl just wants to get laid one night, she'll be more apt to hook up with the 24 yr/ old Hard Body than the 40 yr. old guy...however, when looking at a potential mate, the same women are going to find attractive - long term - the guy who looks like he's lived life a little bit, has some miles under his tires. We look better to these women than you youngsters do, even though we may have a little flab in the gut or grey in the hair.

So naturally, women looking for long-term relationships will gravitate towards the confident, experienced, knowledgable, older man. Not the frat boy wearing the hockey jersey who just got finished putting a $20,000 stero system into his Escalade.

(Now don't get me wrong - you can certainly pull chicks with that...but we're really not talking about getting laid here...we're talking about finding Mrs. Right.)

3) The Curse of the New Pussie

I've touched on this briefly above. On the whole, men do not stray because they don't love their wives; they stray because they just have to have "It." The It? New Pussie. It's true. There's just something about New Pussie that's exciting. Maybe it's basic nature - Man's desire to spread his seed to as many women as possible. Who knows? But this desire will never end, no matter how old you get.

So simply put, get as much tail as you can NOW, when you're young. And your future marriage will benefit from it because you won't be as hard-up for New Pussie as the guy who got married at age 22.

***************************

You know, there's also other benefits to not marrying young: you get to travel and go on adventures more; you get to make mistakes and/or try new careers without the worry and responsibilitis of a wife and kids; but mostly, you get to find out who you are, for real, without having to define yourself as "part of another whole" before figuring things out for yourself.

So if you're intent on getting married young, good luck - I truly wish you well. I know anything I say won't sway you. But if you're debating it and aren't sure of the right thing to do...feel free to respond and ask questions!

[kyro]

I feel like you're speaking in universals. Absolutely none of this applies to me.

[Anacardo]

[ QUOTE ]
I feel like you're speaking in universals. Absolutely none of this applies to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nor I, really, but what he's describing is far closer to the standard. Speaking for myself, it's come to my attention that I'm a big statistical outlier on a lot of these things.

[kyro]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I feel like you're speaking in universals. Absolutely none of this applies to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Nor I, really, but what he's describing is far closer to the standard. Speaking for myself, it's come to my attention that I'm a big statistical outlier on a lot of these things.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, probably. Re-reading my post, I think I came off like I thought he was "wrong." I don't necessarily think that but I just found him describing the exact opposite of how I actually am.

[Don King Jr]

Yea another solid example of what to do and how to be that most will choose to ignore.....good post Dom

The kids will someday realize the truths you speak, but as with most situations, they will just have to learn for themselvs

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
Yea another solid example of what to do and how to be that most will choose to ignore.....good post Dom

The kids will someday realize the truths you speak, but as with most situations, they will just have to learn for themselvs

[/ QUOTE ]

There are dishearteningly few important lessons someone else can learn for us.

[Don King Jr]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Yea another solid example of what to do and how to be that most will choose to ignore.....good post Dom

The kids will someday realize the truths you speak, but as with most situations, they will just have to learn for themselvs

[/ QUOTE ]

There are dishearteningly few important lessons someone else can learn for us.

[/ QUOTE ]

Spoken like a true warrior poet, but is it interesting how people can take what they are taught in school and apply it to there lives yet good information passed along by a seasoned veteran like Dom can be cast aside like its worthless dribble.

[Blarg]

Everybody always thinks they're the exception to the rule. Or that other people don't really understand, which is just another way of saying their situation is unique.

One thing about getting older is you learn again and again how often that's incorrect.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
I feel like you're speaking in universals. Absolutely none of this applies to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

well, of course I am. If I was writing something expressly for you, I would've PM'd you. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[KaneKungFu123]

[ QUOTE ]
I feel like you're speaking in universals. Absolutely none of this applies to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

BECAUSE YOU ARE A VIRGIN?????

(note, Kyro is a Virgin. His girl friend is like 25 or something and thinks sex is gross, but they are soul mates or something like that. Ive often been tempted to create a SAVE KYRO thread. The kid is dellusional, and him telling Dom that none of this applies to him - hahhaha - I guess he fits into the 22 yr old who doesnt know jack about himself.)