Best man toast tomorrow, any last minute advice?

[slickpoppa]

Alright, I'm the best man at my older brother's wedding tomorrow (somewhat informal wedding, so no rehearsal dinner tonight) and I'm trying to gameplan my toast. I'm 25 and this is my first wedding since I was about 10 years old, so I don't have any first hand memories of what a best man toast is supposed to sound like.

Some questions/concerns I have, sorry if they sound kind of dumb:
- Length? I've been hearing some conflicting advice about this. I've read some places that 3-5 minutes is standard, while others have suggested shorter and sweeter is the way to go. I'm generally not very long winded, so probably better to err on the short side, right?
- I know my brother much better than the bride, so is it okay/standard for my toast to focus a little more on him? Obviously the day is supposed to be about them as a couple, but in terms of getting specific about why they're so great, it's just easier to talk about my brother. My basic roadmap is: Intro, talk about my brother, talk about the bride, talk about why they'll be great together, closing.
- The largest contingent of people at the wedding will be my mom's extended family. She is one of 9 siblings and my brother and I have 17 cousins on that side of the family. So it's a pretty big family, but we are really close and have a family reunion every Christmas and summer. My brother is the oldest of the cousins and the first of us to get married, so the main theme of my toast will be how my brother has and will be the leader of our generation of the family. I'm somewhat concerned that this will be less germane to the rest of the people at the wedding, but it's kind of hard for me not to talk about that because I know that is a big part of my brother's life. Also, I don't want to sound like I'm dissing my dad's side of the family, but it's just a fact that we're not nearly as close to them. Should I be worried about talking up that angle too much?

I'd appreciate any other general suggestions or anecdotes you guys may have.

Thanks.

[bwana devil]

here's the formula for a best man's toast:

1. greet the guests
2. personal and lighthearted story about the groom
3. tie the story into the bride and groom
4. toast the bride and groom

edit: and dont worry about time. there is no way you can do all of this under 3 minutes.

[kyleb]

Yeah, I am the best man in a wedding in two months and I have basically nothing planned. I know what the bachelor party is going to be, fortunately, but the toast is something else.

More advice pls

[gumpzilla]

It really isn't hard. You're being presented with the most forgiving audience imaginable, for the most part, so truly bombing is difficult. Doing something transcendent is tough, too, but nobody can tell you how to do that because it's too personal.

3-5 minutes seems long. 2-3 seems right to me. Focusing on the groom is fine - stick with what you know - but some comment about welcoming the bride to the family is near obligatory. Straightforward appeals to emotion are guaranteed success. Humor is good, but do not attempt unless you will succeed. However awesome you thought that joke about the bride and groom spending eternity in hell was (I can't discern what this guy possibly could have been thinking), now is probably not the time.

[El Diablo]

slick, kyle:

Funny story about him
Sentimental touching story about what a great guy he is
Story about meeting bride and thinking she's great
Something about how you don't know her super well yet, but one thing you know is that she's awesome for him and you've never seen him be happier
If you are related to him, something about how excited you are to have her and her family become part of your family

[Reef]

Make it FUNNY and if it's long it better be awesome. Practice it and have it memorized

[VoraciousReader]

[ QUOTE ]
Something about how you don't know her super well yet, but one thing you know is that she's awesome for him and you've never seen him be happier

[/ QUOTE ]

I would leave out the "don't know her super-well yet" part. I've heard this at many many weddings, and it's always kind of an awkward moment.

[billygrippo]

i would write something down. i was best man at my brothers wedding and just winged it drunkenly. i remember it not being that good.

[idrinkcoors]

I'm not good at much, but I've been told my 2 wedding toasts were pretty good. They were for large, formal weddings however, so I'm not sure if my hints translate to a small informal wedding gathering. FWIW.

Most definitely write your words down, because this will help you memorize it, which you really should do. You may think you know what you are going to say, but once you are up there in a tux, and it's hot, and everyone is looking at you, it helps to have a back up.

Anything under a 5 minute speech is fine. You have a captive audience waiting to hear you talk.

If you have to mention the part about being the first one on your mom's side to marry, make it very, very brief. Your dad's new family and the entire bride's family won't care at all about this, and you may lose them quickly if you dwell on it at the beginning. Instead:

-Start off: "First of all, I'd like to thank you all for being here, and helping to share in Tom and Mary's special day."

Then maybe lighten it up with a lame, but family friendly joke:

-"Between the two of them, Tom and Mary know a lot of people, which means that they couldn't invite everyone they knew, just the people who meant a lot to them. So if you are here today, it means that you are either very important to them, or they thought that you were going to give them an awesome wedding present."

or:

"I have some maritial advice for the new couple. As you begin this journey, please realize that no matter how much you love each other, you are always going to have some arguments, and you're always going to make some mistakes. So Tom, if you screw up, and you both know it, just admit it. And if your wife screws up, and you both know it....Just keep your damn mouth shut."

-Then a serious compliment the bride, somewhere along the lines of: "She's as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside." Cheesy? Yes. But you're not talking to your buddies, you're giving a toast. The bride will eat it up as will every female in the room.

-Rag on your brother for something. It helps furtherlighten the mood and is somewhat expected. Just make sure it's good natured, and doesn't involve a past girlfriend of his. Something along the lines of an embarrasing moment, or how he was really nervous before their first date, or how the bride is lowering her standards or something.

-Serious line to use that everyone melts over, but only should be used if there is a kernal of truth in it: "Today, I'm suppossed to be the best man, but Tom, in my book, you'll always be the best man."

Possible last line of toast:

Raise your glass, then say:

"So now if you will all join me in raising your glass in a toast to the newlywed couple. (Pause a second) To Tom, the luckiest guy in the world....And to Mary, the woman who made him that way."

[Yeti]

absolute gold in this thread