expectations...

[limon]

so today while i was taking a dump i was thinking about some people who are pissed at me (and unhappy in general)and wondering why they are the way they are and im the way i am. it seemed to boil down to expectations. the most sad disgruntled people i know have the most expectations of other people while the most happy carefree people i know have the least expectations of other people...is it this simple? (by expectations i mean unsolicited unagreed to expectations not the expectation that an explicit arrangement will be met)

[gumpzilla]

I doubt this is all there is to it, but I think you make a pretty solid point.

[SlowHabit]

I try my best to not have expectations for others because I'm often disappointed. If they deliver, then great. If not, cool -- not a surprise.

It's a sad way to think but it does protect some future pain.

[Mingdu]

These are 2 of the 4 agreements Miguel Ruiz wrote a book about. Some wacky, peyote filled dreams in it but his laws for living are solid when you get past the fluff

I think they describe what you are referring to

Don't Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.

[Boris]

[ QUOTE ]
T When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

[/ QUOTE ]

When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others you are a sociopath.

[king_of_drafts]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
T When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

[/ QUOTE ]

When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others you are a sociopath.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think he means immune in the sense that you won't be hurt/insulted by them...like you can take them objectively

[ImsaKidd]

I always do my best thinking while taking a dump.

[relativity_x]

[ QUOTE ]
I always do my best thinking after rubbing one off.


[/ QUOTE ]

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
There's confidence in yourself, which probably has a lot to do with how good you are at stuff, how good you look, etc. but also has a lot to do with attitude. Again, I don't think this is really that correlated with expectations because you have two sort of stereotypes of really confident people on totally opposite ends of the expectations spectrum--the guy who's constantly trying to improve himself and has confidence in himself because he works so hard and therefore succeeds a lot, and the guy who just sort of doesn't feel the need to prove himself. You also have types of people who have severe lacks of confidence on both sides of the expectation spectrum--people who never feel they've lived up to their own expectations, and people who are hopeless.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd have to disagree, and believe that calibrating expectations optimally (ala Diablo's post), and handling disappointment when those expectations are not met with a degree of grace, is largely a function of self confidence.

I think people without a high level of confidence may be rattled when their expectations aren't met, because 1) it calls into question their reads on people; 2) something didn't get done, and now it's on them to execute.

Oh and I doubt that anyone truly has low expectations in most situations, I don't think that's possible.

-Al

[AZK]

I'm basically echoing diablo's sentiments...but after only living for 24 years, I've come to realize that life works out a lot better if you assume everyone around you is an idiot until proven otherwise, and expect nothing. Now, I'm not saying treat them like they are an idiot, but more often than not, this has made less than optimal situations tolerable. I realize this is a pretty hostile view of the world...