Pre-nuptial agreements, ermmm....yes surely?

[CopTHIS]

I've been thinking about pre-nups recently (on account of the g/f waffling on about all her friends being married etc etc etc...sigh). Anyway, my understanding is that if you marry and get divorced then even earnings before you met (yet alone got married) can be split...is this correct?

It seems odd to me but people have told me it's true (I'm in the UK if that makes any difference) and I can't find much through Google. Put another way, if A and B meet aged 32 having earned exactly the same but with A having been a big spender and B a big saver so that B has $200k, say, and A has nothing (purely on account of having spent it along the way) then is that $200k potentially split if they marry and then get divorced? I know it depends on legal wranglings etc but any info would be appreciated [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Then there is the question of approaching the subject...how to do this without sounding like an arse or getting a slap?

[Howard Beale]

Let me guess: YOU'RE the saver, right?

Part with some money and consult a matrimonial lawyer who will explain the entire thing to you as it works in your jurisdiction.

As to bringing it up with the g/f:

Just remember that sex is always better after you make up.

[CopTHIS]

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Let me guess: YOU'RE the saver, right?

Part with some money and consult a matrimonial lawyer who will explain the entire thing to you as it works in your jurisdiction.

As to bringing it up with the g/f:

Just remember that sex is always better after you make up.

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The example wasn't me, but I do have quite a lot saved and a house paid off etc and she doesn't have anything really. I feel bad even thinking about things like this but divorces can be messy enough as it is.

You are probably right though - I may have to talk to some lawyer.

[Howard Beale]

I went thru a divorce. A pre-nup would've made it a great deal easier. A thousand slaps worth easier. If I ever get married again (shudder) I won't do it w/o one.

[kazana]

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Then there is the question of approaching the subject...how to do this without sounding like an arse or getting a slap?

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Just treat your gf as a responsible, mature grown up. If she's going ballistic because of a display of common sense, I'd reconsider marriage.

A prenup isn't about assuring that you don't have to pay a dime in case of a divorce, it's about protecting both parties and to lay out some fair "rules of conduct" in the case of a divorce. A good prenup doesn't state that you won't ever pay a cent, it assures that both will be treated and compensated (if necessary) in a fair manner.

[Felix_Nietzsche]

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I've been thinking about pre-nups recently (on account of the g/f waffling on about all her friends being married etc etc etc...sigh).

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Trust your instincts....

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and I can't find much through Google.

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Finding info on the internet is a wonderful thing. But if you can't find it, then take a crow-bar to your wallet and buy an hour with a lawyer....

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Then there is the question of approaching the subject...how to do this without sounding like an arse or getting a slap?

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You are approaching this from a position of weakness....not strength. Most GF don't like being asked to sign a pre-nup. All her hen-friends will take her side. Your play is easy BE-A-MAN and stick to your principles. Having the principle to protect your next-egg is a GOOD THING. The best defense is a good offense. If she starts attacking you, then turn it around on her and ACCUSE HER. Say "if you truly loved me for myself then you would not feel threatened by this". Put her on the defense. If she fears she will lose you, she will SIGN a pre-nup. If she hows doubts, she can use this as an excuse to 'take a stand'. If she takes a stand then do some soul searching. If she truly feared losing you, she would crumple like a cheap suit!

My cousin signed a pre-nup with her wealthy husband (California). They have been married 10+ years and have two kids. Since they have been married for longer than 7 years and have kids the terms of the pre-nup have been satisfied and it is no longer relevant... It was no problem for her.... But she is a VERY-VERY-COOL woman.... Not knowing your woman I can't speculate how she will react...

[Fast Food Knight]

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Most GF don't like being asked to sign a pre-nup.

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All her hen-friends

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Your play is easy BE-A-MAN and stick to your principles.

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The best defense is a good offense.

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If she starts attacking you, then turn it around on her and ACCUSE HER.

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Put her on the defense.

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she can use this as an excuse to 'take a stand'.

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she would crumple like a cheap suit!

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Not knowing your woman I can't speculate how she will react...

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LOL, sounds like you already have. WHY would anyone actually want to spend the rest of their life with someone they felt they had to handle in this manner? ALL women are not completely unreasonable, ridiculous, and illogical, and if you think they are then you have sucky taste in women (or a small sample size). It sucks to know that so many men automatically approach us with this mindset.

Prenups FTW.

[CopTHIS]

hehe probably I'm not giving her enough credit. She is from a more traditional background than me, and I doubt anyone she knows or in her family has a pre-nup. She may be mildly offended but the more I think about it, I should just be up-front and say it's not much hassle to set one up and it can help later on should the marriage not last. I just need to attend a lesson in charm school first.

[Howard Beale]

I've got an idea:

Take her out to the traditional really fancy dinner. When the champagne comes you bring out the engagement ring case, look lovingly into her eyes as you open it and say:

'Let's talk about pre-nuptual agreements.'

[nsdjoe]

If I do ever get married, I'm going to want a pre-nup that insulates (at least) my retirement monies.