Theory- The aejones theorem

aejones · #1 04-17-2007, 06:44 PM

For a long time I've struggled with my inner-most demons on whether or not I should make this post. After consulting with my own conscience, I've decided to go against the wishes of some of my most prominent confidants. This post will likely revolutionize that way poker is played.

This theory applies to all forms of unlimited texas hold them, specifically short handed, and should absolutely never under any circumstances be applied to omahaha.

The aejones theorem: No one ever has anything.

That's right, after years of practicing and playing unlimited texas hold them, I found that no one ever has a damn hand! That is why I advocate betting a lot, raising a lot, and most importantly, calling a lot.

I obviously have data to back up these claims. Below, I've included an array of hands in which the aejones theorem can be successfully applied:

In this hand, it is clear that villian is not aware that I not only know the theorem, but am, in fact, the creator of it.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $10 BB (6 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

BB ($1516.50)
UTG ($1028)
Hero ($3046)
CO ($1231.75)
Button ($414.45)
SB ($2482)

Preflop: Hero is MP with J[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], K[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img].
1 fold, Hero raises to $30, 1 fold, Button calls $30, 2 folds.

Flop: ($75) T[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], 6[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], 9[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero bets $40, Button calls $40.

Turn: ($155) 9[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero bets $110, Button calls $110.

River: ($375) T[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero checks, Button bets $234.45 (All-In), Hero calls $234.45.

Final Pot: $843.90

Results in white below: 
Hero has Jc Ks (two pair, tens and nines).
Button has 6c 7c (two pair, tens and nines).
Outcome: Hero wins $843.90. 

There are four to a straight on the board, sure. I don't have top kicker, I'm aware. However, I can always rely on the aejones theorem.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $10 BB (2 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

Hero ($1371.50)
BB ($2363.50)

Preflop: Hero is Button with K[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], J[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img].
Hero raises to $30, BB raises to $100, Hero calls $70.

Flop: ($200) 4[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], J[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img], 8[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] (2 players)
BB bets $120, Hero calls $120.

Turn: ($440) T[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] (2 players)
BB bets $240, Hero calls $240.

River: ($920) 7[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero calls $620.

Final Pot: $1540

Results in white below: 
Hero has Kd Jh (one pair, jacks).
BB has 3d As (high card, ace).
Outcome: Hero wins $1540. 

In this hand, well, pure pimp ownage, in my humble opinion.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $4 BB (6 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

UTG ($485)
Hero ($408)
CO ($1209.65)
Button ($451.60)
SB ($799.10)
BB ($338)

Preflop: Hero is MP with 3[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], 3[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img].
1 fold, Hero raises to $12, 1 fold, Button calls $12, 2 folds.

Flop: ($30) A[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img], 9[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], 8[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero bets $20, Button raises to $66, Hero raises to $168, Button raises to $439.6, Hero calls $228 (All-In).

Turn: ($865.60) A[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: ($865.60) T[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] (2 players, 1 all-in)

Final Pot: $865.60

Results in white below: 
Hero has 3c 3d (two pair, aces and threes).
Button has 7d 4d (one pair, aces).
Outcome: Hero wins $822. Button wins $43.60. 

Trying to put words in the context of this hand could not possibly do it justice:

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $10 BB (6 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

Hero ($895)
UTG ($1105)
MP ($1061)
CO ($1081)
Button ($1345)
SB ($168)

Preflop: Hero is BB with A[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], 8[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img].
UTG raises to $35, MP calls $35, CO calls $35, 2 folds, Hero raises to $185, UTG folds, MP folds, CO calls $150.

Flop: ($445) 5[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img], K[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], 2[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero bets $260, CO raises to $700, Hero raises to $710, CO calls $10.

Turn: ($1865) T[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] (2 players)

River: ($1865) Q[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] (2 players)

Final Pot: $1865

Results in white below: 
Hero has Ac 8d (high card, ace).
CO has 9h Jc (straight, king high).
Outcome: CO wins $1865. 

As you can see, the aejones theorem is infallible to the superior play, but not infallible to the outcome. In that regard, the aejones theorem is a nonconsquentialist theorem, perhaps even Kantian, but certainly far from Utilitarian (although egoism.. no, I won't go there, har har har).

2/4 donks clearly exhibit a lack of understanding of the aejones theorem:

Full Tilt No-Limit Hold'em, $4 BB (2 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

Hero ($414.50)
Button ($383.50)

Preflop: Hero is BB with 6[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], 5[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img].
Button raises to $14, Hero raises to $40, Button calls $24.

Flop: ($78) 2[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], 7[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], 8[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero checks, Button checks.

Turn: ($78) 5[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero bets $48, Button calls $48.

River: ($174) T[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero checks, Button bets $92, Hero calls $92.

Final Pot: $358

Results in white below: 
Hero has 6h 5s (one pair, fives).
Button has Jc 6c (high card, jack).
Outcome: Hero wins $358. 

A flat call on the flop, O RLY? aejones theorem-esque second barrel for the WIN

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $10 BB (5 handed) Hand History Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com (Format: 2+2 Forums)

UTG ($1128)
MP ($1000)
Button ($1052)
Hero ($3069.15)
BB ($1742)

Preflop: Hero is SB with 2[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], 3[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img].
2 folds, Button raises to $30, Hero raises to $100, BB calls $90, Button folds.

Flop: ($230) J[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img], 5[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img], 7[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero bets $160, BB calls $160.

Turn: ($550) 7[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] (2 players)
Hero bets $401, BB folds.

Final Pot: $951

Results in white below: 
No showdown. Hero wins $951. 

ship ship mcgipp