DMBFan gets hit on at the grocery store

[DMBFan23]

sup OOT,

So I was making my midnight Harris Teeter run, and was looking at dryer sheets (do I want fresh scent or mountain breeze?), when this girl in a red tube top and white capri pants is pushing a cart down the aisle with a little pep in her step. Her friend is on the phone, and is showing off some cleavage and is wearing jeans. She mentions to her conversation partner "Yeah, Kristen* is walking down the aisle like she's on desperate housewives or something." Now, if I were a retard, I could throw out some stupid cheesy gay line about how actually, yeah, they do look like those chicks. I've never watched that show because I have a penis, they probably look nothing like any of those chicks, and I'm not a retard, so I instead just laugh to myself out loud a little, shake my head, and keep pondering my dryer sheet future.

so Kristen* says to her friend (still on the phone) "He's laughing at me, look what you did." The friend (Laura*) sees the developing opportunity to shamelessly try to screw me, and says "Hey, I gotta call you back" and hangs up. They introduce themselves, and Kristen* says they were having a conversation. They ask if I'm married or have a gf (no to the first, very recently no to the second) and here's where we need to play some good idea bad idea with their next introductory question:

good idea: ask a conversation inducing question about a non standard topic that you don't talk about with every new person you meet.

bad idea: ask a guy you just met if he thinks there is an age that you should be married by, or else.

My response is something to the effect of "Well if you get married to the wrong person because you think you have to, then you'll probably just get divorced, and who wants that. I say wait for the right person." Then one of them throws out the divorce rate statistic, and I comment on the irony, since people are waiting longer to get married and therefore, presumably making better choices.

Then, as if that wasn't red alarm number 1, this is the next question I get.

"So what do you do"

Wow, isn't this the most ham-fisted husband hunt I have ever seen? I respond, honestly (though it tempted me to make up some [censored]) that I'm in aviation consulting.

Laura: "See Kristen*, all the smart guys are in grocery stores, not in bars, how old are you anyway?"
Kristen: "Where did you go to school?"
Me: "UVA"
K: "Oh, my brother went there"
Me: "I'm 24 BTW"
L: "Oh, I would have thought much older. 28 maybe" <---you are not helping youself here woman.
Me, confused/shocked: "Really? I get told I look younger ALL the time. I even got carded to go to a rated R movie the other day."
<more small talk>
L: so can we call you?
Me: yeah, sure
L: what would happen if we called you. would you go out with us?
Me: yeah, definitely - where do you go out?
L: mostly around here. (here = Ballston). You?
Me: here, DC, wherever. Anywhere in the tri-state area is fair game, really.

Then we bump into each other in line, make some more meaningless one line comments, and leave.

Questions:
1) Why open with the marriage comment? Isn't that really weird and off-putting to a lot of people?
2) Am I going to hell if I go out to a bar with these chicks, hook up with the one that is acting the sluttiest that night (or maybe both of them), and then vamoose? FWIW there would be no deception as far as my intentions, but I'd probably phrase it a little differently than I just did.

P.S. Mountain Breeze, bitches. what.

[DMBFan23]

P.P.S. if you were going to type tl;dr then you should consider getting leprosy. don't respond if you didn't read it, you'd probably just say something stupid anyways, like tl;dr.

[onthebutton]

[ QUOTE ]
P.S. Mountain Breeze, bitches. what.


[/ QUOTE ]

This is awesome.

I have no idea about the first question. I'd equate that to a guy walking up to a girl in a grocery store and asking "Spit or swallow?". Not exactly what a guy wants to hear.

The second question is that it's likely there is no hell, and if there is, you're probably going anyhow. So, definitely go for it.

[jokerthief]

[ QUOTE ]


I have no idea about the first question. I'd equate that to a guy walking up to a girl in a grocery store and asking "Spit or swallow?".

[/ QUOTE ]

This is brilliant. I'm going to use this line the next time a chick I have no interest in is chatting me up and not getting the hint.

[KaiserSose]

UVA is clearly the place for poker addicts.

[SmokeyJoe]

What is UVA?

[DMBFan23]

[ QUOTE ]
UVA is clearly the place for poker addicts.

[/ QUOTE ]

you go there?

[Colonel Kataffy]

l;r

i think you should marry her.

[Dan BRIGHT]

1) Because they want to put the thoughts of a relationship in your mind?
2) You arent going to hell genius, you're going to heaven. Tell us about it when you get back from pounding both of them like a hammer.

[Autocratic]

1. Bitches be crazy

2. Hit it