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#1
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Optimal number of friends
Everyone has some finite amount of time during the day and limits to which they can tolerate other people (i.e. a general amount of time they need alone). I think I can handle about 3-4 good friends at any time, by which I mean the number of people I'm in weekly contact either by phone or in person. This is the high number. When I was 25 the number was about double. I suspect in another 10 years the number will contract slightly.
A couple clarifications. I generally do not consider people at work friends and I make a conscious effort to keep work time distinct from social time. There are a wider set of friends--7 or 8--where I can pick up with them after months of hiatus what seems like zero friendship degradation. I feel like I have serious hermit-like tendencies, so I'm curious what other people have as their number of near-daily friends. |
#2
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Re: Optimal number of friends
Some people need dozens of friends to say "Hey look at me, I'm popular!" But not me, I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two.
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#3
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Re: Optimal number of friends
[ QUOTE ]
Some people need dozens of friends to say "Hey look at me, I'm popular!" But not me, I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. [/ QUOTE ] lol - how did people miss the sarcasm in this post? DaveR - if you haven't read this think you may find it interesting: Somewhat Related Study on Avg. Number of Close Friends - Vindication of "Bowling Alone" [ QUOTE ] A major national survey being released today shows that the average number of people with whom Americans discuss important matters has dropped from three to two in just two decades. The study is a vindication for the Harvard author of "Bowling Alone," Robert D. Putnam, who published a similar theory six years ago based on trends from the decline of dinner parties to lower voter turnout and falling participation in bowling leagues [/ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] The authors found that fully one-quarter of Americans say they have no one with whom to discuss their most important personal business. [/ QUOTE ] -Al |
#4
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Re: Optimal number of friends
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] A major national survey being released today shows that the average number of people with whom Americans discuss important matters has dropped from three to two in just two decades. The study is a vindication for the Harvard author of "Bowling Alone," Robert D. Putnam, who published a similar theory six years ago based on trends from the decline of dinner parties to lower voter turnout and falling participation in bowling leagues [/ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] The authors found that fully one-quarter of Americans say they have no one with whom to discuss their most important personal business. [/ QUOTE ] -Al [/ QUOTE ] Al, How are things? - Concerned |
#5
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Re: Optimal number of friends
PM sent!
Gratefully, -Al |
#6
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Re: Optimal number of friends
Al, I had forgotten about that book years ago; thanks for reminding me. I'll be reading it shortly.
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#7
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Re: Optimal number of friends
My responses are pretty similar. When I was younger, I think I felt a lot more need for the social validation, but acquiring a serious girlfriend eased a lot of that. These days, I have pretty much 2 guys that I hang out with a ton (one of them I live with), my fiancee, and that's most of it. There's obviously a wider circle of acquaintances that I'm happy to see at parties and whatnot, but I don't tend to have very regular contact with those people, nor are the relationships terribly deep.
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#8
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Re: Optimal number of friends
Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.
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#9
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Re: Optimal number of friends
I would say 2-3 would be optimal, with the understanding that "friend" means you are genuinely interested in their well-being. Over the past couple of years, 3 of my closest friends and I have tapered off the frequency of contact due to life and distance. I have one best friend locally that I am in contact with everyday.
I think it's natural that your circle shrinks as you get older and priorities and interests (for all concerned) shift. I think you are also more tolerant of certain idiosyncrasies when young and without much responsibility. When you are holding down a marriage, parenthood, paying bills, etc. you start culling the 24/7 clowny fun-guy types. |
#10
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Re: Optimal number of friends
I thought their point was that other people required friends for social validation. Are you being intentionally obtuse?
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