NLTRN - My Tilt: Competitor trumps Brain, for now

[pokercurious]

I'm down 8 buyins today and I feel like flung monkey turds.

It's not the money that's the problem here - I'm not playing for tons of money, I'm playing to learn and improve (so I can eventually drive myself crazy playing for tons of money). It's the backwardness of how this system works - my brain just isn't set to feel emotions in the long run. My brain is set to hate losing.

But all you can do is maximize your EV, right? And in that regard, except for 2 tilty matches today, I think I've done a good job of that. I've managed to play the big pots in position and in control. I've been making (more often than not) +EV plays for stacks, but also consistently been reminded of the difference between +EV and chips on my side of the screen.

The Competitor in me is infuriated by this. Despite knowing that this is what winning in the long run requires, he is enraged by the unfairness of the immediate situation. Because in all the other kinds of competitive situations he's (I'm) used to, the competitors who plays better that week, that day, that game... wins.

Almost without exception, the player who plays better tennis during any single match win. The team that plays better basketball, football, soccer, etc. on that given day in that game... wins that game. On that day.

My inner Competitor does not understand waiting for a significant sample size to know if I'm a winner. My inner competitor would rather gladiate. This is why I (and probably you if you do it) occasionally berate the fish. The Competitor wants to crush the insignificant slug who got to WIN even though he played WORSE and SHOULD have lost. The Competitor doesn't like it when "should"-ness is violated.

My Brain knows better, but when the Competitor is set off, it can be very hard to appease him. This is why he jumps into games bigger than his bankroll, this is why he opens 2, no 3 tables and hammers away with nothing, calling bets with nothing - he's already played better and should have won, so where's his [censored] trophy? He figures the universe owes it to him.

The Brain cringes, knowing it does not.

Once the Competitor's indignation is spent, the Brain looks over the aftermath and wants to know if there are other, wiser Brains that have some insight into how to tame the Competitor...

[PureDiesel]

Competitor needs to learn to adjust to the nature of poker and then he'll become strong gladiator later on.

[pokercurious]

Fair enough, but he is the strong-willed, brutish part of my psyche. The part that rages. Exactly how is he going to learn?

Has anybody done anything specific to deal with this kind of emotional response?

It's not that I don't understand the nature of poker, it's that I get upset and frustrated despite it.

I'm a fairly self-aware person, and the strength of my reaction when I get sucked out on (for the nth time in a row - there's a n sequentially exponential effect) really surprises me. I'm a very mellow, decidedly non-violent person ordinarily, but I occasionally find myself desperately wanting to hit something. That can be unsettling.

[hra146]

dude, this is a pretty excellent post.

too drunk to comment more specifically

[waxhax0rs]

Consciously tell yourself to tighten up. Do NOT think about how much you have won or lost. Focus on making good decisions and take solace in the fact that you are in fact winning by outplaying your opponent, just getting unlucky. Tell yourself to be patient. I had a bad night last night this morning but I forced myself to be patient and I started doing better this afternoon. Try to laugh off your opponents bad plays that work out for them. Easier said than done but I hope it helps a little bit. Concentrate on being disciplined. I played a very disciplined game and got run over a couple of times but honestly I wasn't catching cards and I won a couple of these anyway because my opponents thought they could run all over me which caused them to make a few huge mistakes.

[daveT]

Wow, curious. Find a cute cat and drop kick that mother [censored].

I was thinking about making a post like this. About what player do to optimize their play. For example, I play 3 games, import my PT, and at 20 - 25 games, I am done for the day. I get too tired after 3 games. On 4, I will suck, on 5, I will play like a complete idiot.

It is one of those things where you have to learn to take breaks. You don't have to get up from your computer, but try playing 2 games and stopping. I believe that the thinking and emotions from the last stretch of games has to dissapate ([censored] the spelling). You have to play every player different to maximize EV. You have to be able to think with a clear mind to ensure that EV.

Also, turn off the chat box. There is no reason to read the crap that they write. It does and will affect you, for better or worse. When you are winning, some of it is hilarious, but whatever. It isn't important.

Maybe play some music?

And those morons that show their "bluffs," well, just learn to laugh.

[daveT]

Wanted to add: That rant is probably the most memorable I ever read in my life. I will probably remember it til the day I die. LOL.

[PureDiesel]

Don't touch cats or I'll come after you all

[pokercurious]

Relax, no actual cat violence, simply contemplated kitten violence to assuage inner demons.

I actually like cats. In fact, I once stayed with a girl 3 or 4 months past it's-not-you-it's-me-time because her cats were so incredible.

dave, I went back and read that original rant - it still cracks me up.

[pushing22]

Playing music helps me a lot. And if you feel the need to hit something, do so, such as a punching bag. It can help.