trip report: red bull/vodka, strip club, motel room

[mbillie1]

so bbv4eva, it has been a while. I'm writing this from my phone, which is a huge pain in the ass but I thought this was funny and you may enjoy it. this TR takes place this past friday. the day before (thursday) there had been an incident at the bar I frequent when I tried to commandeer the dj booth, the dj objected, some profanities were uttered and he ended up punching me in the eye (quite out of line actually) and refusing to play "summer of 69" again because I threw his karaoke book in the toilet. whatever. so friday I am planning on taking it easy and killing some time before heading "home" (a combination of a motel at a weekly rate and my girlfriend's apartment, depending on how capable of driving I am), but the girl bartending is not the ordinary friday bartender. this girl is somewhat cute, maybe a 6.5 sober (which means you'd hit it) and like 9 after a few beers. I decide that the beers are disagreeing with my stomach and order a red bull and vodka.

now, the last time I drank red bull and vodka was in november and that night ended when I smashed my car into a telephone pole at 3 am while blacked out (and got away without a ticket, because I use the force obv), but I decided to just have one redbull/vodka.

so after my 4th or 5th, some girl I know who's probably a 6.8 (slightly hotter than the bartender on the OOT scale of nitty woman-bashing) announces that she intends to go to the strip club. I immediately offer my support for her decision and my services in transporting her and her friends to and from said strip club.

also while I'm there, there is girl #3 (probably 5.7, above average only because she isn't fat) who I have drunkenly [censored] a few times. she wants to go along. so we pile into my car and one other car and goto the local strip joint. my phone won't let me type the rest in one txt block so part 2 in a sec

[Kirbynator]

In before second text.

[bonds]

[ QUOTE ]
refusing to play "summer of 69"

[/ QUOTE ]

[x] Dubya Tee Eff

[1aguilas]

model citizen

[JayA]

Gogogogogogogogogogogogo

[mbillie1]

due to NY laws, you can't have full nudity and booze in the same club, so some entrepreneur built 2 clubs side by side, one topless with booze and one fully nude. retarded girl #3 is 25ish but has no ID with her. no problem, its a strip club, they'll be happy to let a chick in, right? wrong. the bouncer is a dick about it, and despite my best efforts to convince him that she will blow him to get in (she probably would have) he is having none of it. after a few minutes an ID and some $ get passed back and she gets in. I decide to have some more redbull/vodkas and peruse the dancers. they are acceptable since I am intoxicated, and I ask a skinny one if she knows where I might get some blow, since its a [censored] strip club after all. this does not go over well and I am ejected from the booze/titties club... however, in an oversight on their part, I am allowed to keep my drink. I call the girls I am with and go in next door to the nude half of the club duo. they have an atm, which ought to be illegal, but I clear whatever I have in my bank account ($400ish--i am not life robusto) and head in.

the strippers here are prettier (or I am drunker) and let you play with their bodies when you give them a $20, so I enjoy myself. my friends finally realize I'm next door and show up. girl #2 and #3 want a private show and I talk my way into the mix as well. the only problem is we are all retardedly drunk and the only girl willing to endure the inevitable grope-fest ahead is a fattish ugly black girl. I am fine with her racially, but cottage cheese is not part of my diet so (allegedly) I utter some racial epithets and we are thrown out of strip club #2. while we are standing outside smoking, we strike up a conversation with a fairly cute blond stripper and convince her that she should "come home" with us (the clubs almost closed anyway) and after some financial negotiation she agrees.

the problem is I am driving, and I am thoroughly unqualified to do so at this point. more in a sec..

[ua1176]

if you can do this with your free time im sure you can pay me back the money you owe me.

or should i call your mother?

[johndenver]

[x] thread will deliver

[React1oN]

This is goot

[mbillie1]

so eventually, at a motel of ill report, this turns into a weird affair and needless to say a fairly awkward situation next time I was at the bar. the motel ended up being crucial (i am there right now) and after I argued with the indian dude who owns it, I managed to get the rest of the week plus 2 days for a pretty cheap rate. the stripper took money out of my wallet for a cab, also took my cigarettes (BITCH) and I had to shower in the damn motel the next day. the clothes I was wearing I actually threw out because even after being washed they would not stop stinking like stripper perfume and stranger sex.

now my car is on empty, I have half a pack of smokes and a room til tomorrow, but I talked a shady drug-selling black guy into buying me 2 40s (lol) so for the rest of the night things have worked themselves out.

the moral of the story is don't drink red bull and vodka, because now it hurts when I pee and I am staying at the local church after tomorrow til payday on thurs, when... either it happens all over or I grow up and act like an adult. fortunately a survivorman marathon coupled with 1.25 40s makes the rest of my night complete.

also it sort of itches where I pee, and there is no way to determine precisely who is to blame for this, I figured it would just go away but not quite yet.