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#1
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Ugh proposal dilemma
My girlfriend and I are going to Seattle for a friend's wedding. I didn't want to propose in Vegas and Seattle is the natural choice so this is the perfect opportunity. I ordered the ring and had it shipped to Seattle and it's due to arrive on Monday or Tuesday the 22nd or 23rd. We'll be in Seattle from Thursday the 19th to Wednesday the 25th. So everything was set the timing is good (I wouldn't want to propose before the wedding, don't want to upstage my friend) I know where to do it, etc. etc. etc. Finally it's probably important to mention that she's at least somewhat expecting it sometime on the trip. Plus I don't think it's fair to make her wait even longer without at least a very good reason, especially since that would mean finding a new plan, likely in Vegas.
Enter the difficulty. My girlfriend's been waiting a while for this, we've been together a long time but I was young and dragged my feet. No matter I'm totally ready/pumped now. But nevertheless it's something she's been wanting for a while. She has an ex-roommate with whom she had a falling out who will be at the wedding. They haven't spoken in probably 2.5 years but we'll see her at the wedding. She just got engaged to a guy who she's been with far less time then my girlfriend and I. Since I won't have proposed yet, this is really going to bug my girlfriend and there's no doubt the ex-roommate will be doing her share of flaunting. I feel like this has the potential to taint the whole thing. She'll be mildly annoyed for a lot of the week, she'll remember that she got engaged right after her friend she hates, etc. etc. etc. Also, fiance is loaded so I can't even out-rock him. Ugh. Maybe I'm just blowing it all up in my head and once she gets the ring she won't care, but maybe not. :-( Do I... a. Propose without the ring before the wedding b. Continue ahead as scheduled c. postpone the whole thing (If you choose option C it's suggested that you come up with another plan) |
#2
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
I would choose option b. As soon as she sees the ring, and you down on one knee, asking her to marry you, she will forget about everything else and just be really, really happy. And while she will definitely eventually forget all of the potentially bad stuff from her former friend, she will never, ever forget how (or when) you proposed to her.
Congratulations! |
#3
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
Why don't you take her to a nice but not over-the-top restaurant and ask her what she wants. You said she's been expecting it so much that you're very hesitant to put it off, so you wouldn't have been surprising her anyway.
This gives her 2 options. You proposing right then and there without the ring and she being engaged for seeing her "friend" at the wedding, or her knowing that she's about to be proposed to herself when she sees her "friend" at the wedding and therefore not being as annoyed. The best part about asking her is that its her choice, which will make the disadvantages of either plan tougher to blame on you. |
#4
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
Dude she's not gonna care once you propose, especially if it is clear you really mean it and aren't just doing because she got upset that her "friend" is engaged.
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#5
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
If you think the timing wrt friend's engagement is a big deal (and I understand that your gf can be completely awesome and still worry about this sort of thing) then propose in some romantic way now (ocean, restaurant, whatever) and when she says, wtf no ring? say that you made this elaborate plan for Seattle but just couldn't wait. Don't mention the friend.
Better if you really are really excited, can't wait. Because what women want is for men to be in control wrt the rest of the world and also carried away by romantic love. |
#6
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
i like option (b).
if she reacts badly to her friend: a) that will exaggerate her happiness at your proposal b) she'll want it mre c) there'll be a bigger relative emotional "high" from earlier it is important, however, that your proposal isn't seen as just being in reponse to her seeing her friend happily engaged. one option might be to seek permission from dad (in person, before you leave for seattle) as this could be a great way to do this and to minimise the chances of unhappy consequences. |
#7
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
postpone until ex-roommate gets divorced
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#8
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
wow your longtime gf doesn't know your 2+2 name?
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#9
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
[ QUOTE ]
Because what women want is for men to be in control wrt the rest of the world and also carried away by romantic love. [/ QUOTE ] I like this. Also, I sort of think it's a terrible idea to roll the proposal into the same weekend as someone else's wedding and in the same city. I think you should make some sort of weekend trip to somewhere else just for the sake of proposing. I think it cheapens it for you to piggy-back on your friend's occasion. PS, FWIW I have given the concept of being proposed to and all the logistics lots of thought. Heh |
#10
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Re: Ugh proposal dilemma
propose to her before the wedding, then ask her to keep it a secret until afterwards. that way you don't upstage your buddy, she won't get jealous of her friend, and it will be your own romantic little secret for a few days.
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