Please help me - Serious problem

[fo4ce]

i swear on everything that I love in life that this isn't a fake post/gimmick account. I know the mods can IP check me to find out what my other 2p2 name is, but please, if you can can you please just read this and try to help me.

I seriously think I am going insane.

I could type out a short novel in this post, just trying to explain everything, but I really really want someone to help, so I will not bloat the post with 10 pages of information, and I will cliff note / summarize things instead.

-I suffered from post trauma stress which started about 2 years ago( i'm not sure of the exact name ) [[[[freshman year of college]]]]]

-I was with a girl who I loved very much for 1.5years+

-I was 2 hours away in college ( she was a senior in HS ) but the long distance thing was working out fine.

-I know her ex bf. He is the type who lies/takes advantage of girls/ [censored] type. He was her first boyfriend a few years before I met her. [[[[He tried forcing a semi mentally weak girl into having sex with him, saying stuff like "why are you only thinking about what yourself, why won't you think about what I want, or what GOD wants"

(I read the aim convo and basiclly told the guy to [censored] off because what he was doing was so wrong )

-I can't stress how much I loved her...just please try to understand, it wasn't a high school, puppy dog love fling...I would of honestly married this girl and been so happy with it for the rest of my life.

-An event occured in my life that caused/is causing the PTSD.

-A month after the event took place ( i kept it a secret/unkonwn from Alicia, who would of overreacted so I didn't bother to tell her over the phone.) I could tell that there was something going on with Alicia, just the tone of her voice/ect. I asked her for a few days if she was alright, and she told me she was fine/ect.

-After about 4 days of her sounding semi weird, I finally tell her to tell me what is going on. I told her that I loved her and that I was there for her no matter what.....she started to cry.

-She told me that she was hanging out with her ex boyfriend again. She said she still cared about me, but she still had feelings for her ex ( it was her first boyfriend from a few years ago )

-I asked her simply...do you want to be with me or him? you have to pick. She cried and cried but she told me that she loved me and wanted to be with me.

- I was obv pissed about the whole thing, but happy that the girl I loved still wanted to be with me. She promised me she would never talk to him again, and things were fine from there on.

-About 2 months after I came home for the summer after the first year of college, she started acting weird again. Eventually the same thing happens again...she tells me that she hung out with her ex boyfriend again ( saw a movie ). I was heartbroken....words cannot explain how much I loved this girl, she honestly meant the world to me.

-The next day I got a call from Alicia, she was crying and said that she didn't think we could be together anymore. I tried to talk sense into her, I couldn't just let her go, I loved this girl more than anything. My attempts failed, and I was a wreck. I couldn't listen to music, I couldn't look at her pictures, I couldn't lay in my bed where we use to sleep, I couldn't do anything.

All i could think about is the girl I love, being with a guy who is going to treat her horrible.

I coulden't take it.

That + the event that occurred during college ( i don't want to go into detail, but it has effected me and left an impact that I will never forget )

I just coulden't take it. I became depressed. People in my hometown ( slightly small, gossip spreads fast ) heard about the "event" that happened to me in college, and of my closest friends looked down upon me for it [[[[but i swear on my life and everything I love that I am innocent, and was a mix up in a felony that was not my fault ]]]]

That was all 14ish months ago....just 1 month ago I "truly" got over Alicia...I want to move on now. After we broke up, we talked on and off a bit...she admited that she still cares about me, and that she truly did love me. But because of the event that happened ( the negative rumors she heard ) she didn't want to be with me.

But I am over her now...I can move on.

I use to always think about Alicia + the event that happened in college...I would think about it, cry about it, just be depressed about it. Finally I put up a mental block to just forget about them though. My mind finally stopped this, and I stopped thinking about it all.

However, now things seem different. I think I am going insane. But all I have to explain to you guys are a few examples of what I've been doing.

-Starting to get an OCD type thing. I go 3 miles away everyday to rite-aid to use the bathroom. I go in, lock the door, open my cell phone ( flip phone ) and put it on the plastic crate holding 9 extra rolls of toilet paper. Then i sit on the toilet and look up into the right corner of the wall.

-When I don't want to talk to my parents/sister, I go in the bathroom at our house and just sit down on the rug and look at the shower.

-I started to drink a lot of water ( water bottles ) and I throw the bottles on one side of my room. There is a pile of about 30 of them, and for some reason the pile made me happy. I add to it everyday, and told my parents ( semi jokingly to them, but truthful to myself ) that I was building a sea of water bottles. When I came home today, I noticed the bottles were rearranged and my mom said she was cleaning up ( and moved some of the bottles around ) and just them being in different places, got me angry/sad..and I don't know why.

-When I was still stressed out about Alicia/the college event. I started to smoke weed ( about 3 months ago ) and it relaxed me. I was happy, and I was very content. I didn't think about anything bad, and I am honestly happy just listening to music and doing whatever else. When I was still thinking about the event/alicia when I would smoke everyday.

I haven't been smoking much recently because of money. I have been waiting for my check to come in the mail from pstars. I have a few K online, it is just so slow to get back.

But I miss smoking and the feeling, because it makes me very relaxed and calm.

I never went to a doctor/got any treatment for the post traumatic stress ( I'm not even sure if i have it, but all the symptoms are the same/etc )

I was thinking about going to see a professional about the whole me going insane + PTS thing, but I am worried. I am worried that they will think I am crazy and need to be treated like a lunatic ( which i might be, i don't even know ) And what If i got put in a psych ward? Now that I am ready to move on from Alicia, I want to get with another girl, so I can try to be happy in that aspect again. But if I am considered a psycho, then things won't work out I don't think.

I have the best parents in the world and I love them so much, but I don't know what to do. My parents know about everything that has happened to me ( they don't know about the bathroom stuff though, and that I think I am going insane ) I know they want the best for me.

I just don't know what to do.

I don't need an answer, just some opinions, or helpful suggeustions.

Please don't flame me or be mean to me, I am telling the truth and looking for help.

I swear this is the truth, I'm sorry for making a new account just to hide my ID, I don't know where to go, and I just thought maybe some of you would have helpful suggestions.

[Hoi Polloi]

Talk to a therapist. You don't need to commit to anything, you don't need to tell him/her everything at once or all. But it will help you get grounded and reality check some of what is going on. Don't be alone in this.

Good luck.

[Mingdu]

talk to your parents dude ... show them what you have written

do it now ...

[luckyjimm]

Stop smoking dope; exercise more; hang out as much as you can with your friends and meet new girls.

[PJo336]

I had a similiar situation with a female, fresh year of college. I joined a frat and got involved in social activities, met new people, worked out. Youd be amazed how much all of this helps if you give it some time

[bbartlog]

The OCD-like stuff sounds like a minor tendency that's just flaring up in your life as a result of a lot of stress. I recall being depressed in college and tearing up a cardboard box into thousands of pieces and then arranging them on a table (there's a scene in The Wall where the guy does something similar with all these broken pieces of stuff). This is called 'punding', for what it's worth. Not sure if your bottle pile qualifies but it's in the same vein.
Anyway, you don't sound crazy. Your symptoms are not that major. I would second the recommendation to exercise. Also, don't get into a huge war with yourself about the OCD stuff - if it isn't the sort of thing you've been doing all your life, it will likely pass away on its own when your life is less full of problems, and for now it doesn't sound like it's stopping you from functioning.

[omaha]

sorry to hear of your predicaments.

My 2c worth.

Write down a list of half a dozen things, in order of when they happened.

Book a couple of sessions with a psychologist, you can just yap and yap to them.

Just talking to someone will ensure you will feel better, as
1) it will get it out of you, instead of [censored] you up on the inside
2) as the psychologist/therapist is a proffessional, you know that you will be treated in a dignified manner, and can be open and honest with them.

Take their advice. I wouldnt be telling family and friends, particularly now. Try and get your stuff sorted out professionally, initially at least.

That way, you can explain to your oldies what happened, and how you were in a not so good place, but are now on the mend, and need a bit of help

[arahant]

[ QUOTE ]
sorry to hear of your predicaments.

My 2c worth.

Write down a list of half a dozen things, in order of when they happened.

Book a couple of sessions with a psychologist, you can just yap and yap to them.

Just talking to someone will ensure you will feel better, as
1) it will get it out of you, instead of [censored] you up on the inside
2) as the psychologist/therapist is a proffessional, you know that you will be treated in a dignified manner, and can be open and honest with them.

Take their advice. I wouldnt be telling family and friends, particularly now. Try and get your stuff sorted out professionally, initially at least.

That way, you can explain to your oldies what happened, and how you were in a not so good place, but are now on the mend, and need a bit of help

[/ QUOTE ]

Just to add to this - you absolutely don't need to be worried about being committed to a psych ward. From what you've described, you're not even close. That can only happen if you are an obvious imminent danger to yourself or others...

[paulcouto]

[ QUOTE ]
Stop smoking dope; exercise more; hang out as much as you can with your friends and meet new girls.

[/ QUOTE ]

poster, u also need to toughen up, be a man and push forward.

i really think the weed and or alcohol is screwing up yur mind too. i should now this first hand.

i once had a nervous break down. every thing just started collapsing around me, one thing after another and i was standing in my room, losing my mind, the room literally vibrated. i sat down, snapped out of it and called my parents. i didnt tell them anything. i just talked with them.

at a time like this, u should straighten yurself up and go hang out with yur family.....they r the only ones u know u can trust.

and get off the drugs son, straighten out first and then reacess if u have mental problems or not. that weed will give yur brain an imbalance. its absolute crap.

[killphilNI]

You were right in thinking that you should go see a psychiatrist, you are describing symptoms of PTSD and probably depression. Don't worry though, you can get help. Try to stay off the weed though- it might make you feel better in the short term but it'll damage you in the long term. Do talk to your family, they care and will do everything to help. It's always good to have someone to confide in when you're going through tough times. You don't have to tell everyone, even try talking to your mom about it. And don't worry about going to see your Dr or a pyschiatrist. I had a psychiatry attachment last year (final year med student) and found the whole thing to be open and non-judgemental. Also remember that what you are going through is a lot more common than you think, it's just that people don't talk about it. Feel free to PM me.