my story...advice, motivation?(kind of long)

[Liebo]

I'm posting this to just share my story and maybe pick up some advice or motivational tips along the way.

I was a chubby to fat kid my whole life. I was always very self-conscious, would never take my shirt off in front of my friends all the way to this day (I'm 26 now). Well one summer, I was probably around 235-240 lbs., 5'10", I hit my bottom. I had just broken my ankle the night that I returned home from college, a week later my girlfriend broke up with me. I was miserable, couldn't do anything, even drive anywhere, and I felt like absolute hell, fat and out of shape. One day it just hit me, and I decided that I was going to do something about it.

As soon as I got my cast off and was able to move around again, I went to a personal training place, and signed up for 10 sessions, two per week. I started doing cardio everyday, lifting twice a week with my trainer, and eating right, first I started with no carbs, high protein, low fat diet wise. Then my personal trainer told me not to eat anything after 8 oclock, which I followed. I got really into the gym and eating right and started to lose a little weight.

Then, once those sessions were up, I was probably down to about 220 or so, but it was time for me to return for my last semester of college. When I got back to school, I received many compliments on how good I looked, and what not, and it really motivated me. I continued my hard work, and dieting, cooking everyday (something I NEVER did in college previously), and really working out hard, harder than ever. Gradually, that semester I worked my way down to about 205 and left there feeling unbelievable. Everybody I saw could not believe it was me, it was such a great feeling.

So now (end of 2002), I'm home from school, decide to bartend for a while before getting a real job. I continue to eat right, work out religiously and really just have more confidence than ever, and feel great. I got down, at my lowest to 183 lbs. I finally for the first time in my life, would consider going swimming with my friends in the summer and it felt great.

Now its 2004, and I get my wisdom teeth pulled. I had a horrible case, it has me in bed for 2 weeks. I can't go to the gym and I can't eat the way I'm used to eating. OK, no big deal...

Then I go to Las Vegas for the first time with 8 of my friends from college, and then drive cross country home (NY) with my friend, and we eat our way across the country. Ok, no problem, I just have to get back on track. I got home from that trip and weighed 205 and I felt gross.

Well, I never got back on track...which brings us to the current day. Over the past 3 years or so, I have gone on to get my weight back up to 225 lbs. and feel absolutely gross.
I have started a new diet every monday for the past 3 years, and they just don't take. I'd do anything to get that motivation back. Needless to say, my self confidence and self image and self esteem is at an all time low, worse than before I had lost all of the weight. Over the past few years I have come to hate seeing people, especially people I haven't seen in a while, because they get to see how fat I got again. It absolutely kills me, but I just haven't been able to do anything about it for so long. I think it's also worse now because I did get a brief glimpse into the world of the skinny, and in good shape life, and its just gone now, and I really want it back.

Anyway, it's been 5 full days of my new diet (and gym routine), and I am going to make it work again this time. I have to, I just can't live feeling the way I've felt for the past couple years now. I know it's going to take time again, but I just have to stick it out. If you have any advice, or motivational quotes, or just a comment, I'd love to hear it. Anything to help get me back to where I once was.

[latefordinner]

print this out and post it on your refrigerator. and get an accountabilty partner.

[zer0]

agreed, its much easier with someone who has similar goals.

it seems to me like you're trying to do this for everyone else, their perception of you and what not. you've gotta stop that, you need to do it for yourself. you feel gross? your friends aren't going to change that for you.

do you have a picture of yourself when you were thinner? tack it to the fridge, remember how good you felt.