Are today's parents enabling their kids to be self-centered?

[Myrtle]

Mod Edit:

Full text of the article removed. Here's the link:

http://www.boston.com/yourlife/famil...spoiler_alert/

I think it's a pretty interesting article about parenting styles to think about. For those of us that are not parents, we're not as far away from it as we might like to think.

[MrWookie]

Myrtle,

I'd send you this in a PM, but your box is full:

Even though it's free, posting the entirety of the article, even with citation, is against 2+2 policy. The topic is an interesting one, but I'd encourage your first post to be a link with some of your own commentary, perhaps with a few choice quotes, rather than the whole article. I encourage you to edit it quickly so that you can include a link. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to delete the full text of the article.

[Myrtle]

[ QUOTE ]
Myrtle,

I'd send you this in a PM, but your box is full:

Even though it's free, posting the entirety of the article, even with citation, is against 2+2 policy. The topic is an interesting one, but I'd encourage your first post to be a link with some of your own commentary, perhaps with a few choice quotes, rather than the whole article. I encourage you to edit it quickly so that you can include a link. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to delete the full text of the article.

[/ QUOTE ]

My bad....My Apology.

Too late to edit.

Please delete.

[MrWookie]

What's the link? I'll put it in place of the article in my edit.

[Myrtle]

[ QUOTE ]
What's the link? I'll put it in place of the article in my edit.

[/ QUOTE ]

http://www.boston.com/yourlife/famil...spoiler_alert/

[Myrtle]

[ QUOTE ]
Mod Edit:

Full text of the article removed. Here's the link:

http://www.boston.com/yourlife/famil...spoiler_alert/

I think it's a pretty interesting article about parenting styles to think about. For those of us that are not parents, we're not as far away from it as we might like to think.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thanks for fixing my booboo, Wook.....

The reason that I posted it is that it speaks to so many things that I see happening in today's society in the USA (don't know if it's an issue elsewhere).

As a "boomer" I have to ask....What the hell have we brought upon ourselves?

I see Boomers as the first generation to go down the road of overindulging our children to the point where their value systems are so skewed that their ethical standards are based more upon their personal wants rather than some ethical system of values.

IMO, the movie "Wall Street" and Gordon Gekko's statement of "Greed is Good" succinctly captures the beginning of this runaway freight train.

[MrWookie]

Myrtle,

I was just thinking about this sort of thing today, actually. It seems to me like my grandparents had a pretty rough life, especially by today's standards. They lived through the Depression, the Dust Bowl, WWII. In those times, you were either disciplined and hard working, or death was a very real possibility for you and/or your family. They naturally want their kids to have a better life than that, so they pass on as best they can the values of hard work and discipline, and they also indulge their kids with some of the "modern" amenities they can now enjoy in better times.

In the next generation, one could pretty easily say that times weren't as bad. There was still the Vietnam war and accompanying draft, the Cold War, inflation, etc., but I'd still say they were better off. Consequently, the motivation for busting your ass is going to be lessened, and this generation is indulged more. Still, though, this generation has had plenty to work through, and it's only natural to want your kids to have a better life. They pass on their somewhat diminished work ethic, and they continue to indulge a little.

So that brings us to my generation. We've been largely at the peak of economic prosperity, and the wars I've lived through have had a surprisingly low impact on real day-to-day life, especially compared to WWII and Vietnam. Our "national motivation," if you will, for ass-busting is at an all time low, and the power to indulge is quite high. Consequently, concerns of survival have long been passed up by concerns about showing off. This is obviously a very loose argument of generalizations, but I think there's something here worth thinking about.

As I was thinking about how I'd raise my own children, I would really have to balance wanting to get my children to live a good life and trying to foster in them an attitude of hard work. And see, trying to teach children hard work is much easier when they need to work hard out of necessity, not just "because I said so." There were plenty of children in my generation who cracked and rebelled against parents who expected the best "because they said so." OTOH, the kids who did the best in school were the ones who had the fear of God that if they didn't bust their ass, they wouldn't be able to find a good job.

I've felt this phenomenon throughout my life, and I feel it now. A little fear is a good thing. I had it in high school. I had it at some points in college - the points where I was doing my best work. I've lost a lot of it now, and I know for a fact I'm not working hard enough. However, the right kind of fear in the right doses will bring out the best in people.

"If you don't go out and plow that field right now, the wind storm will sweep away all our top soil and we'll starve."

"If you don't go off to fight the Germans, your family is going to be singing 'Deutschland, Deutschland, Ueber Alles!'"

"If you don't charge up that beach head, you're going to die here in this boat."

"If you don't work hard in school and go to college, you'll be drafted and in Vietnam within a month of your 18th birthday."

A little bit of fear is a powerful motivator, and I think that all the trouble prior generations have gone through to remove it has, to a degree, been to our detriment. This post has gone on much longer than I anticipated, so I'll conclude with asking for thoughts on balancing the desire for your kids to have a better life than you with wanting them to have a little bit of this extremely effective motivation for maintaining that lifestyle.

[bernie]

Not really that suprising. Many could see this coming after watching all the 'not my kid...' excuses started to be accepted.

It's not just the kids, but the parents being self centered too.

b

[katyseagull]

Great topic, Myrtle. I have been curious about this whole subject myself.


I have seen a lot of goofy indulgent parents in my day and I’ve seen a lot of their talented kids. I’m not sure I’m convinced that narcissism comes from poor parenting. Think of the most narcissistic people you know. I bet you some of their siblings are normal, principled people. I know of several families where at least one of the kids turned out sort of narcissistic. But not all of them. So I don’t know what causes it. I’m guessing a combination of indulgent parenting, lack of religious values and some odd individual quirk?

I don’t know, maybe that article is right about the parenting thing. When I look at Myspace or read these forums I sometimes wonder why the world has become so shallow and self-centered. I mean have you ever read Myspace? It’s so Me me me me me me me. I would feel embarrassed to talk so much about myself. I would also feel embarrassed to spend a lot of money on myself. I happen to have a sister who indulges her every whim and she doesn’t even work! (she’s married) We’re all a little embarrassed for her. We were raised by an authoritarian mom who didn’t tend to indulge us, however, according to my oldest sister the one child that my mom did indulge was the narcissistic one. Hm. Maybe there's something to this.


I was having a conversation with a couple friends of mine today and the topic came around to girls and breast implants. I said it was depressing how many girls are so obsessed with their looks they have to rush out at the age of 18 and buy cosmetic surgery. My friend blamed it on the media. My other friend blamed it on guys. I blamed it on narcissism. The article you linked might actually blame it on poor parenting because I read somewhere that a lot of parents today are now giving their daughters the cash for breast implants and nose jobs on graduation. Weird.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
I’m guessing a combination of indulgent parenting, lack of religious values and some odd individual quirk?


[/ QUOTE ]

religious values?

LOL.

Ok...

Seen the latest video(s) for 'Jesus Camp'?

Religion didn't invent values. Many sure didn't practice them.

Sorry, but directly linking religion with good values is kind of a sore spot for me.

b