Does being a whore mean you are a psychopath?

[yukoncpa]

Hi,

I need some help from you guys. I’m corresponding with my son who is in prison. It sounds like from his letters that he has had a pretty rotten life. I was just made aware of his existence a few weeks ago. I’m deemed a bad influence on account of a marijuana arrest that I had, so I can’t visit him in person.
He seems to think that his mother was a psychopath on account of her being a whore and then turning to lesbianism. She may be a psychopath for other reasons, but these are the reasons he stated. These aspects of her life seem to trouble him. What can I say to console him or to advise him? I know this isn’t much to go by, but then his first letter to me was brief. He didn’t seem at all to be blaming her for any of his troubles, rather, he blamed her for driving me away. Indeed, abandonment may be his true concern rather than a psychotic mother. I guess I could simply explain to him that any woman I pay $35 to is a very quickly forgotten woman. But instead, here’s how I started this portion of my response letter:

“As far as your mom being a psychopath, welcome to the club - so is mine. Funny, I never remembered your mom as being strange, but then, prostitution, lesbianism, etc, seem like perfectly normal aspects of life to me. I was raised in such an extremely fundamentally religious family, that anyone who deviated from my psychopathic, morally twisted, upbringing, seemed like a breath of fresh air. To me, being a whore is normal, smoking pot is normal, whereas wanting to execute Mexicans as they cross the boarder or hating someone because they are homosexual is abnormal”

Geesh, I don’t want to screw this letter up. He’s twenty two, so not exactly a kid, but I’ve never had any experience talking to people significantly younger than I am. I vaguely remember his mother as someone I thought was hot, but that’s pretty much it. I don’t like my above paragraph because I focused the attention onto me instead of addressing his problem.

Any help on this correspondence would be appreciated.

Thanks.

P.S. I have no way of knowing if this kid is mine, but I really don’t care. Apparently all his life he has been given my name as the father. All I really care about is trying to help someone who is asking for my help and not for my money. His letter sounded sincere and not the least bit like a letter from a hustler. I called the mother, and the funny thing is, she told me that I paid her money, then after the fact I asked her to an ice cream parlor and she accepted. The parlor that she named happens to be my families favorite. This may be the only reason I was deemed the father of her child, but like I said, unless he starts asking me for money, I really just want to help him out.

Also I see we have a psychology forum, but if no one minds, I'd rather this post remain here since I only know people here.

[PLOlover]

if i were you i would think twice about mentioning homosex in a good way as it may end up getting him assaulted.

[yukoncpa]

[ QUOTE ]
if i were you i would think twice about mentioning homosex in a good way as it may end up getting him assaulted.



[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for the response,
I’m new to this. Do people read my letters to him before he gets them? He did mention to me in his letter that prison life was violent but that he was big and strong and managed to stay away from most of the violence, but however, I wouldn’t want to put a thing in my letter that could cause him trouble. So thank you for the advice.

[Mickey Brausch]

The letters you'll send are (hopefully) going to be read and re-read, so the content must be carefully constructed. But, if you are sincere in wanting to help out your son, the best thing would be to start a person-to-person communication, i.e. visit him and be there with him, in his surroundings. I'd say this takes precedence over any other communication.

You'll get as much truth out of the situation as he'll (hopefully) get in support.

BTW, this is too serious an issue, for you to get significant assistance from an internet message board. (Even the format itself is restrictive.) It is a point of concern that 2+2 is where you're turning for assistance rather than friends or family.

Mickey Brausch

[yukoncpa]

[ QUOTE ]
The letters you'll send are (hopefully) going to be read and re-read, so the content must be carefully constructed. But, if you are sincere in wanting to help out your son, the best thing would be to start a person-to-person communication, i.e. visit him and be there with him, in his surroundings. I'd say this takes precedence over any other communication.

You'll get as much truth out of the situation as he'll (hopefully) get in support.

BTW, this is too serious an issue, for you to get significant assistance from an internet message board. (Even the format itself is restrictive.) It is a point of concern that 2+2 is where you're turning for assistance rather than friends or family.



[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you for your response

I wish I could turn to friends or family, but at this juncture in my life, I can not. The whole reason I made my post is that I realize that If my son is anything like me, he will read and re-read anything I write, so I wish to be careful. Mickey, I can not make a person to person communication with him. I wish I could. This type of communication is where I excel. But, unfortunately, according to the laws of this state, if I have so much as an arrest for a drug ( marijuana ) violation, I can not visit an inmate. This is incredible to me. I almost feel like pleading guilty to every one of my supposed crimes so that I will get a felony instead of a misdemeanor so that they will send me to jail so that I can visit my son. If I’m a felon, I can visit him. Otherwise, with merely a misdemeanor, I’m considered a bad influence on his life.

[PairTheBoard]

I don't know. You might try toning it down a bit while still being yourself.

Some definitions of "psychopath" from the dictionary:

" A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse"

"someone with a sociopathic personality; a person with an antisocial personality disorder ('psychopath' was once widely used but has now been superseded by 'sociopath' "

"A mentally unbalanced person who is inclined toward antisocial and criminal behavior."

I think both you and your son are being too judgemental. I doubt his mother is a psychopath and neither is yours. His mother has adopted a lifestyle that is unconventional. That doesn't make her a psychopath. A psychopath or sociopath is someone who has no conscience and who tends to act on that lack of conscience in ways that harm others. You might simply explain to him that you and his mother never really developed a relationship that she could foul up. It wasn't anyone's fault. The relationship just never happened.

If you want to bring your mother into it, explain how you learned from that experience how dreadful intolerance can be. You would never want to adopt such an intolerant judgemental attitude yourself and urge him to do likewise.

Explain to him that his mother's lifestyle is her own and one she has a right to. But he doesn't have to be affected by it and he has a right to choose his lifestyle for himself. You might then share with him those values you've come to believe in and ask him to share his with you.

Something like that.

on the other hand, it sounds like that's more or less what your already saying. Maybe your words are best and maybe you speak his language. I don't know. It's communication after all. He'll write back and you'll write back. If it's not perfect you'll get better at it.

PairTheBoard

[yukoncpa]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't know. You might try toning it down a bit while still being yourself.

Some definitions of "psychopath" from the dictionary:

" A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse"

"someone with a sociopathic personality; a person with an antisocial personality disorder ('psychopath' was once widely used but has now been superseded by 'sociopath' "

"A mentally unbalanced person who is inclined toward antisocial and criminal behavior."

I think both you and your son are being too judgemental. I doubt his mother is a psychopath and neither is yours. His mother has adopted a lifestyle that is unconventional. That doesn't make her a psychopath. A psychopath or sociopath is someone who has no conscience and who tends to act on that lack of conscience in ways that harm others. You might simply explain to him that you and his mother never really developed a relationship that she could foul up. It wasn't anyone's fault. The relationship just never happened.

If you want to bring your mother into it, explain how you learned from that experience how dreadful intolerance can be. You would never want to adopt such an intolerant judgemental attitude yourself and urge him to do likewise.

Explain to him that his mother's lifestyle is her own and one she has a right to. But he doesn't have to be affected by it and he has a right to choose his lifestyle for himself. You might then share with him those values you've come to believe in and ask him to share his with you.

Something like that.

on the other hand, it sounds like that's more or less what your already saying. Maybe your words are best and maybe you speak his language. I don't know. It's communication after all. He'll write back and you'll write back. If it's not perfect you'll get better at it.

PairTheBoard



[/ QUOTE ]
Hi man, thanks for the response.
this is very enlightening and I went back and forth with your response until I realized a truth. Just maybe, if he is my son, he will think like me and indeed communication will be easy. Thank you.

[TimWillTell]

[ QUOTE ]

P.S. I have no way of knowing if this kid is mine, but I really don’t care. Apparently all his life he has been given my name as the father. All I really care about is trying to help someone who is asking for my help and not for my money. His letter sounded sincere and not the least bit like a letter from a hustler. I called the mother, and the funny thing is, she told me that I paid her money, then after the fact I asked her to an ice cream parlor and she accepted. The parlor that she named happens to be my families favorite. This may be the only reason I was deemed the father of her child, but like I said, unless he starts asking me for money, I really just want to help him out.



[/ QUOTE ]

I think that it is very important to tell him this; maybe not so much for you, but definitely for him.

[yukoncpa]

[ QUOTE ]
P.S. I have no way of knowing if this kid is mine, but I really don’t care. Apparently all his life he has been given my name as the father. All I really care about is trying to help someone who is asking for my help and not for my money. His letter sounded sincere and not the least bit like a letter from a hustler. I called the mother, and the funny thing is, she told me that I paid her money, then after the fact I asked her to an ice cream parlor and she accepted. The parlor that she named happens to be my families favorite. This may be the only reason I was deemed the father of her child, but like I said, unless he starts asking me for money, I really just want to help him out.




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I think that it is very important to tell him this; maybe not so much for you, but definitely for him.


[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you Tim,
I’ll most definitely include this sentiment into my letter. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.

Folks - I’m going to bed now. I thank you all, but don’t feel bad if I don’t personally respond, as I’ll be unconscious for a while.

[yukoncpa]

[ QUOTE ]
His mother has adopted a lifestyle that is unconventional. That doesn't make her a psychopath.

[/ QUOTE ]
Perfect, here is a sentence that I can cut and paste right into my letter. This is the sort of thing I was looking for . I do believe I will refrain from mentioning to him anything about my own mother, at least for now.

All right, again, good night all.

edit - I've truly read and re-read your post pairtheboard, I just want to thank you again for such a great post.