Toss's Degenerate Vegas Trip Report: The Second Donkening

[toss]

You may remember me from such trip reports as this on: Toss's Degenerate Christmas Vegas Trip Report. I never expected to go back so soon, but here I am.


It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon and I've just woken up in a dingy Casino Royale hotel room. I must've gotten into bed sometime after leaving the Mirage pokerroom, but I don't remember at all. I've must've racked up my chips and cashout because I have $430 in my front pocket; $10 less than I started the session with. I must've vomited before I went to sleep or while I was sleeping because my shirt, the pillows, the matress, the floor, and my friend's backpack in covered in the Venetian chicken I had yesterday. I don't remember throwing up at all and it's troubling. The last thing I do remember is taking a tenth (or eleventh?) shot of jaggermeister at the poker table and shoving in a stack of reds with I don't even know the hell what. Let's start at the beggining: Thursday night at Longs Drugs.

We decide we need booze to get wasted at Vegas so we head over to Longs and descend on the booze section like kids in a candy store. We only need a couple of bottles, but everything is on sale so we end up taking six, what can we do? Not much. I pick up the Goldschlager because you can't get much more balla than consuming real gold. Refer to figure one for further explanation.



Next we head over to my friend's dorm/apartment and meet up with his roomates I don't know. A couple of girls, (an okay looking 7 and a humungous 5 that's only a 5 because she has large watermelons and hella junk in the trunk), are already over there. We exchange names, hell if I remember them, and immediately start drinking. After the fourth of fifth round of jaggershots more people come over and they bring weed. Party time. They all head into the bathroom and build some sort of contraption that looks like this.




Everyone takes a turn and it's on me, but I don't want to get high. I've never been high before and I'm not about to start. I sealed my leaps onto the bottle and sucked in the milky white smoke brewing inside the bottle. It burnt like a f*cking f*cker. The girls start dancing and the one with the enormous ass sways her hips to the music. Several planets were flung viciously from their orbits. Mercury was incinerated by the sun and Mars is on a collision course for Jupiter. Check your telescopes. I ask someone what it's like to be high so and he says you can't concentrate at all. I want to prove him wrong so I start writing an essay on Albert Camus's piece on Irony. Mac computers suck. Why do squares keep popping up when I hit enter? Screw this time to drink some more. Sleep.

I wake up on a sofa-too-small after two hours of fragmented sleep. My esophagus and lungs still burn and I stink of alcohol. I opt out of taking a shower and after three hours of sitting we're in Vegas. We roll into Mandalay Bay to get tickets for some shows. While they I wait I sneak off to the Big Wheel (because I'm a degenerate) and put twenty on Mr. Thomas Jefferson. It takes a good 42 minutes before the wheel stops, but when it does it's pointing to Jefferson and I get shipped $60. This is going to be a good trip. We're all hungry so we head over to the Grand Lux at the Venetian. I order a Newcastle and the Venetian chicken which is nothing special, hardly worth the $25.

The hotel at Casino Royale is old and dingy but we'll only be needing it for sleeping and showering. We meet up with the girls and take more shots of jagger, goldschlager, and suaza. My kidneys are already screaming. It's about time for the concert to start so we head back over the House of Blues in Mandalay Bay. The line up for Friday night was Cobra Starship followed by Cartel. Yes that band who did the music video for Snakes on a Plane. It might've been more enjoyable if the median age of the crowd was more than 15 years old. It's really a sight to see a bunch of tweens fight over a bottle of water the lead singer drank from.

We head out in search of badly needed drinks and end up at the Margrita Bar at Luxor where we each ordered one of these babies.



Little did I know I would be needing every single drop for the show we were about to see.

Kathy Griffin. I know. Should I even say anything? I won't. Lets fast forward.

It's 2 in the freakin morning and we're back at the hotel. I'm ridiculously tired having been up over 40 hours and it takes all of my Asian gambol power to drag myself over to the Mirage poker room across the street. I decided I'd try my hardest not to play poker while my friends are partying so that leaves me time to play while they sleep. I immediately sit in a 1/2NL game that makes Stars Full Ring look good. I put myself on the 2/5 list and only play one hand of interest before I get moved. I raise 77 first in and get 2 callers. Flop is K[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img],7[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img],2[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]. I bet the pot and only French guy who's been playing pretty nitty calls. Turn is a third [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] and it looks like Frenchie hit his man. I bet like 1/4 pot in case he doesn't have it, but he does and raises big. I flash my set to the dealer and muck. His head asplode.

The 2/5NL table is full and luckily I get a seat directly to the left of a major fish. Unfortunately there was also a guy, who probably struck out at the clubs, with some major volume control issues. You know the type; bald-twenty-something-white-guy who never learned how to use indoor voices. He would yell not so nice things to anyone; Even the quiet old guy sitting to my left who eventually busted much to the delight of asshat galore. I get it all in preflop with AK against asshat's friend, who may have once been ashamed about his friend's behavior but has since learned to deal with it, and lose to KK for $200. Asshat goes wild and starts yelling incoherently. I did manage to make something out about racing preflop. Asshat's friend shrugged sheepishly as he took in the chips. A few hands later I get it all in again with AK, but this time on the flop with TP/TK versus the donator. Predictably asshat berates the fish who thankfully rebuys after a beeline to the ATM.

The game breaks a little while after thanks to Mirage's stupid must-move rule. The fish decides to call it a night while asshat and co. head to a different table to torment some new people. I make sure to choose another game and find myself at a 1/2 NL table at the opposite corner of the room. The same table from the very beggining of this trip report. I'm too tired. It'll be up to tomorrow. Until then.

[midwestkc]

Can't wait to read the rest...good report so far.

[Richard Tanner]

Was going to give you a B- based on lack of poker, but after the last paragrah: A, can't wait for part 2.

Cody

[JJH3984]

[ QUOTE ]
Was going to give you a B- based on lack of poker, but after the last paragrah: A, can't wait for part 2.

Cody

[/ QUOTE ]

F the poker. Do some blow.

P.S. [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] your avatar

[context]

Great report!

For the noobs who don't know, how did you fall asleep on a sofa and end up in vegas shortly after? Is "Longs" a train?

[nineinchal]

I could read this [censored] all day/month/year/long.

[Obfuscation]

Enjoyed despite confusing chronology.

Pls provide pics of fat girl thax.

[KurtSF]

Chronology is not confusing, Longs is not a train, and sofas don't go to Vegas. Maybe you guys should read some Camus. Or something.


Good job not getting high OP.

[kskillz]

Me and a couple buds stayed on the second floor of Casino Royale 2/22-2/25. The room REEKED of puke. Did we get the pleasure of sleeping with toss's rancid puke particles the whole weekend? haha....

[KidLifeCrisis]

[ QUOTE ]


[/ QUOTE ]
ugh, I didn't read your post yet, but the picture of the goldschlager was the first thing I saw. It's the only alcohol that ever made me vomit, and I remember the taste of it coming up. I liked it a lot until that one odd night...